


Berserker

by ToroZuzuX



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Bilingual Character(s), Canadian David (Camp Camp), David & Gwen Act as Max's (Camp Camp) Parental Figures, David & Gwen Adopt Max (Camp Camp), David Acting as Max's (Camp Camp) Parental Figure, David Adopts Max (Camp Camp), F/M, Family Bonding, Gen, Gwen Acting As Max's (Camp Camp) Parental Figure, Nonbinary Nerris (Camp Camp), Other, Soldiers, Underage Drinking, Violence, everybody is a badass, slightly cyberpunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-07-25 14:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToroZuzuX/pseuds/ToroZuzuX
Summary: “Alright. You kids, like everybody else here, are supernatural freaks. And being supernatural freaks, the government - any government - has every interest in cutting you, and us, into tiny pieces for research as soon as they discover you."Supernaturals are people who should not exist. There is a very strong effort on the part of the governments of the world to make it that way, and yet an even stronger effort on the part of the Supernatural Liberation Militia to prevent that. And Max? He's just stuck in this stupid magic soldier training camp for the rest of his childhood.Will not update regularly, be warned.Now with a Glossary if anybody wants to know what I'm talking about: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PTRHo8SaEQAs4nzZbNwr48UpNFIdI7L3VKEtzsV2zSo/edit?usp=sharingOh, and I wish this could remain unsaid but apparently not...if you ship /that/ ship in any form (you know the one I mean) then you can fuck right off. If I find any child and adult shipping fics in your profile I will delete your comment, aged up fics included. Don't @ me.





	1. Berserker

“Can you believe it, Max? Today, we’re getting not one, not three, but two new campers!”

“You Canucks have a funny way of pronouncing ‘child soldiers,’ huh.”

Just as he was about to retort, the camp bus pulled up, hitting David and sending him flying before he slammed against the trunk of a tree. The doors opened.

“Kids are here.”

Two children, one boy and one girl, hopped off the bus.

David stood up as the bus drove off to god knows where.

“_I can’t believe it still hurts to get hit by that thing_... where was I...Oh yes! New campers!”

He leaned down in front of the little girl, and offered his hand.

“Hello there, you must be Nikki! I must say, I was surprised to see another Greenthumb around these parts, I’ll be able to teach you so - ** _OW_ **!”

He was cut off as the girl sunk her teeth into his hand. Max held down a snort as he watched from behind. The girl released him and spat on the ground behind her. 

“Sorry about that. Just establishing dominance, you know how it is. Also gotta refresh the spit supply if you wanna keep it clean. _ Anyways _...yeah, I’m Nikki! Nice ta meetcha!”

The other kid stepped up behind her.

“And you must be Neil! I’m David, and this over here is Max. Alright, let’s go look at the camp, shall we?”

They passed straight by the empty flagpole and into the mess hall. It was utter pandemonium. A small boy with a clear bubble helmet surrounded by a dim pink light was zipping through the air while a dark skinned woman was ducking and dodging and yelling at another child.

“NURF, PUT SPACE KID DOWN OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL THROW YOU INTO THE VOID!"

“I WILL ACHIEVE SPACE FLIGHT!”

“YEAH GWEN! HE WANTS TO ACHIEVE SPACE FLIGHT!”

“YOUR TELEKINESIS HAS A FIFTEEN FOOT RANGE NURF. PUT HIM THE FUCK DOWN, NOW.”

“FINE, I WILL!”

The glow disappeared and the child dropped out of the air, his helmet somewhat cushioning the blow. 

“Gwen, our new campers are here!”

“Fine, I’ll get the Laserdisc. Sit tight, kiddos.” 

David produced a guitar out of absolutely nowhere. 

“Actually, I was thinking I could play a song...”

“Pluck a single string on that thing and I swear you’ll never use hammerspace again.”

“Maybe later.”

After a few minutes of fiddling around with the TV set while all the children and David watched, Gwen gave up.

“It’s busted. And put the guitar away, I’ll just explain it myself.”

She got up and faced the two new arrivals.

“Alright. You kids, like everybody else here, are supernatural freaks. And being supernatural freaks, the government - any government - has every interest in cutting you, and us, into tiny pieces for research as soon as they discover you. So our thing here is that we’re disguised as a summer camp, but we’re actually here to teach you how to use your powers in a safe place that Big Brother can’t see. You kids won’t be leaving here in August either. This thing is year round, and you’ll be here till you’re old enough to join the SLM like your parents. Any questions? Nikki?”

“Is there a wolf pack in the forest?”

“Is there a wolf pack in the - oh. Right. A Whisperer. Yes, there are wolves. Any other questions? Neil?”

“Yeah, why the fuck is this place so shitty? I thought I was gonna have a bunch of huge circuits to mess with, and I still haven’t seen anything more technologically advanced than the bus we rode here!”

“Electrician, huh. You can use the TV set now, it’s pretty much shot as far as normal use goes.”

“Thank GOD.”

David cut in.

“Alright kids, now you all can go and start practicing your talents! Nikki, Neil, since you’re new, I’ll introduce you to everybody here!”

The other children (except for Max) dispersed around the campgrounds, either sparring with each other or firing attacks at poorly constructed training dummies.

David gestured at a kid in a top hat and a kid holding a sword. The kid in the top hat was just standing by idly as the other slashed away at... were those fucking _ LIONS _?

“That’s Harrison, and the one fighting the lions is Nerris. Hold on a second, that’s two lions above regulation standards! Be right back!”

David sprinted up to the dueling duo and kicked two of the lions in the skull. They dissolved into ashes as David turned to Harrison and started scolding him. Nerris kicked one of the two remaining lions in the face and slit the other’s throat and they disappeared, too. Max tapped both Nikki and Neil on the shoulder.

“He’s gonna be there all day. I’ll break it down for you guys. Harrison’s like a classical magician, you know, a Houdini. Nerris is a Dicemaster - that’s a probability warper- and a Bladewielder.”

He pointed at the boy with the bubble helmet, who was firing beams of light at a target but missing by a hilarious margin.

“That’s Space Kid, he’s a Celestial. Star magic. Which is super fitting, since he’s nuts about space.”

He gestured to the red headed kid from earlier, who was tormenting a short boy who was clutching a paintbrush in his hands.

“Nurf, that’s the bigger one, is a Kinetic and a Vulcan-”

Neil cut in.

“What, like on Star Trek? That doesn’t seem-” 

“No, it’s just the SLM word for a touch telepath. Anyways, that little kid there that he’s beating up is Dolph, and he’s an Animator, you know, like Frosty the Snowman but with drawings and paintings and shit. Speaking of Frosty...” 

Max spun around and pointed at a tall girl with a streak of purple in her hair who was sitting on a block of ice and looking at her phone.

“That’s Ered. She’s an Ice User and a Vanisher - she can turn invisible. And there’s also Preston, who I don’t see anywhere. But he’s a Wavemaker, which means he can mess with light and sound and shit. Any questions?”

Nikki bounced up and down. 

“Ooh! Ooh! What about you, Max? What makes you a supernatural freak?”

Max let a spark of fire fly from the tip of his finger and smirked as the other two jumped back.

“I can do _ that _. Fire User.”

Nikki liked that _ a lot _, but Neil didn’t look so impressed.

“_A classical element? _ Is that seriously all you can do? Everybody here seems to have a secondary or _ at least _ a really versatile primary. Even _ I _ have a secondary, and I’m _ me _.”

“Shut up. I’ll have you know that I _ do _in fact have a secondary.”

“Then _ prove it _and show us.”

“Yeah, Max! Show us your secondary!”

“I can’t. It’s not an Impulse-Type power. It just sort of happens when it happens.”

“You don’t have to lie, you know. I don’t _ hate _ monopowers or Classic-Type Users or anything. My dad _ is _ one.”

“Oh, I definitely will prove it. I _ promise _ you.”

The two of them stared at each other for a second, before exploding into nervous, hysterical laughter.

“Oh, god. I just sounded like my _ uncle _for a second there!”

“Dude, you sounded like _ my _uncle for a second there!”

Max lowered his voice and attempted to sound like he had smoker lungs.

“_ I don’t hate monopowers or anything, I know one personally _!”

Their conversation devolved into a long, now three-sided talk about encounters with bigots.

“- oh boy. One time when we were in the drive thru my mom asked me what I wanted to get in _ Greek _ and the guy on the other end heard her and called her a gre -”

“- still people who hate _ Greeks? _What year was that bastard living in, 1923? Once this old couple at the airport tried to get my parents taken away by security because they thought they were - ”

“ - once my mom ran into this lady at a Militia meeting, and the lady wouldn’t even _ look _ at her because she apparently had a thing against Seers? And she started yelling at my mom and calling her a _ meddler in God’s plan _ and _ then _ she noticed that our name tags said 'Cohen' and _then _she started talking about the _ rapture _ and my mom challenged her to a duel- “

Their talk devolved further, to stories about Militia meetings, to explanations of their powers, to Pokemon, to the best gaming consoles. They talked and slacked off through morning training, through lunch, and well into the afternoon, when Max remembered why he had started talking to Neil and Nikki in the first place.

“Anyways, since you guys are new, and we seem to be getting along so far, I was going to propose a little idea I had...”

“Really? What is it? Tell me, tell me now!”

“I don’t care what it is. I’m in already.”

“Well - “

At that moment, David, who really had been almost absent all day, appeared behind Max, picked him up, and hugged him.

“Aw, Max! Making two new friends in one day! I’m just so proud of you! You really are warming up to camp life, aren’t you?”

As David babbled on and on, Neil and Nikki watched as Max’s face got redder and his expression more twitchy. Finally, he snapped.

“LET GO OF ME, YOU TREEFUCKING _ BEVAKOOPH!” _

And with a single kick to the ribs, David was slammed into his second tree of the day. Ten meters away. Max landed on his feet and started breathing slowly and counting to himself. 

Nikki whistled one of those ‘oh damn’ whistles. 

Neil blinked, stumbling on his next words.

“S-so you’re a ....”

“Yup. Berserker.”

Max exhaled one more time, whispered _ ten _with a sense of finality, and turned to face Nikki and Neil. 

“C’mon guys. I’ll show you our tent.”


	2. Kind of Familiar

Only David would wake a bunch of children up at the asscrack of dawn to lecture them about animal friends.

“Alright, kids. Today we’re going to be learning all about familiars!”

“Do we have to or is this one of those stupid activities you put together to try and make us forget the fact that we’re magical child soldiers being trained to join a secret private militia slash liberation front who won’t see the outside world again till we’re already adults and have no idea how to interact with society?”

“We don’t have time to argue over it, Max. Familiars increase survival chances, and as your guardian for the time being, I need to increase your survival chances as much as I can.”

What he didn’t say out loud was that the SLM Department of Education had made familiar contracting mandatory for all Supernaturals still under joining age, mostly in response to the uptick in mysterious disappearances and dead bodies they’d observed in the last half a year.

“Now, as you know, a familiar is any living thing - besides a human - that a Supernatural can connect their soul to, and thereby strengthen their powers with. You’ve all already met Larry. He’s my seventh familiar, and by far the strongest one I’ve had.”

“Ok, so what now? Do we just run into the woods and pick out an animal? Or does Larry have brothers and sisters that we all need to bond with?”

“Nope! We’ll be going into the woods for a _ supervised _ mission to get you all familiars before the end of today! Now get into two groups of three and one group of four and we’ll split up and go looking for our friends!” 

They all groaned at the word ‘supervised’ and divided themselves up. And naturally, Nikki, Neil, and Max grouped up, and followed Gwen into the woods.

“This is so dumb. I’m an Electrician. I don’t need a fucking pet to cuddle and fill my heart with strength from the power of love or anything.”

Gwen rolled her eyes.

“Take it from somebody who doesn’t have one. You need it. I’m only surviving without one because I’m working in the safest place an SLM soldier can _ and _ I’m a tripower.”

“Oooh, You’re a tripower? What are your powers, anyways?”

“Nikki, she threatened to cast Nurf into the void the day we got here.”

“You mean...”

“Yup. Bitchy McBitchface here is a Darkened One.”

Neil and Nikki were quiet for a second. Then Nikki spoke up.

“That’s...so...”

Gwen sighed, preparing herself for the usual insults.

“COOL! Can you teach me some dark spells? I wanna summon a demon and beat it up!”

“You know that’s not how it works.”

“Just checking.”

Neil rolled his eyes.

“Your whole family dies, Nikki. It’s fucking miserable. Happened to the neighbor’s kid when I was eight. He spent a whole week trying to convince people that his family had mono or was on vacation or something. Then he disappeared one night. I think _ they _ got him.” 

They walked in silence for five minutes before Nikki decided to start up again.

“_ Soooo _ then what’s your secondary?” 

“Seer.”

“Lame.”

“Shut up Nikki, my mom’s a Seer!”

“Yeah, but she’s also a Kinetic, isn’t she? Seeing into the future is such a boring power. All you have to do is not tell people or act like you know what’s going on and you’ll never get caught. It’s like Supernatural life on easy mode. _ Anyways _, Gwen. Can you tell us more about your other powers? What’s your, uh, ter-tee-ary? I bet it’s a cool Impulse-Type like Celestial or Charmer!”

“It’s tertiary, not ter-tee-ary. And since when is Charmer cool? It’s just emotional manipulation but easier.”

“My mom’s a Charmer and she gets a lot of money!”

“I bet your mom’s a real _ charmer _ alright. Lowercase ‘c’ kind.”

“What’s that, Max?”

“Nothing, just talking to myself.”

“Oh. What were we doing again?”

“Grilling Gwen about her tertiary while we look for animals to enslave and bind to our souls for the rest of their lives. Speaking of which...”

“Well actually, It’s a Passive-Type, like being a Seer is.”

“Ooh. Are you a Survivor like David is? Could we break your legs and watch them heal in seconds?”

“Please don’t. And how did you get that David was a Survivor just in a day?”

“Camp bus hit him, then Max hit him. Also he killed two of Harrison’s lions just by kicking them.”

“You are one perceptive little hellion, I’ll give you that. But no, I’m not a Survivor. Guess again.”

“Vulcan?”

“No.”

“Radar?”

“Nope.”

“Amplifier?”

“No.”

“Plagued?”

“What? No. Are you actually basing these guesses on your observations or are you just going through all the Passive-Types you can remember?”

“You betcha. Processor?”

“No.”

“I give up. Can you just tell me?”

“My tertiary is Berserker.”

“Whoa, you mean you get super strong when you’re angry like Max does?”

“God, I wish. No, I get super strong when I’m afraid. Which is, I’d like to think, a lot more useful, if not as fitting of the name.”

“Can we please just get the fucking animals and go back?”

“Oh. Right. All this talking is probably scaring them off.”

They walked in silence again.

Eventually, Neil got bit by a field mouse he stepped on, which he reluctantly picked up, exchanged glares with, and tucked into his pocket. Nikki somehow wrangled an eagle bigger than she was, which she named Timothy, and let it perch on top of her head.

“Can we just turn back already? It’s almost lunch, and as disgusting as the food here is, I think I’d rather have it than starve.”

“Not yet, Max. We have something else planned for the afternoon, we won’t have time to - “

Gwen tripped and fell face-first into the dirt.

“Ouch. What the fuck was that?”

“Holy shit.”

Gwen hadn’t tripped in nothing. Right under her foot was a large paw print.

“It’s a bear.”

“Cool! Maybe if we follow it, we’ll find the bear and I can talk it into being Max’s familiar!”

“Nikki, that is incredibly dangerous and there is no way we’re going to -”

“C’mon guys, we’re going bear hunting!”

She grabbed Neil and Max by their arms and rushed off in the direction of the prints. Gwen got up and sighed, trying to keep up with the trio as they sped along the forest path.

“Why did I get stuck with these fucking hellraisers?”

At the end of the trail, Nikki was utterly devastated to find a bear skeleton.

“I w-wanted to cuddle him in the w-winter a-and go fishing w-with him and ask him to teach me w-what berries were goo-ood!”

“There, there. It’s ok. We’ll find you another bear.”

“You know you were supposed to be finding _ me _ a familiar, right?”

And right as Nikki was going to respond, a platypus waddled out of the depths of the cave.

“The fuck is that thing?”

“A platypus. I don’t know what it’s doing in Minnesota though. I’d say we don’t touch it, though. They have venomous spurs on their hind legs.”

The platypus lifted itself on the tip of its tail and _ hissed _.

Neil jumped back, Max simply froze, and Nikki wiped away her tears with a shine in her eyes.

“_ Venomous _, you say? It’s perfect! Hey little guy, do you wanna come home with us? Wanna be a magic familiar?”

The platypus squinted at her, then fell back down to its feet and approached her.

“Muack.”

“Oh, sorry. Not a platypus expert, ma’am. Hm. No, I won’t let you eat him. But you can have his leftovers! He doesn’t eat much, so you’ll probably get a lot.”

“Muack.”

“No, no, he already has one. This is for the one in the hoodie. I think you’ll like him. You can also have his leftovers.”

“Muack.”

“You can sleep in our tent. We’ll give you blankets.”

“Muack.”

“You drive a hard bargain. We’ll take it, though.”

Nikki turned to Max and waved her hand in front of his line of sight. His eyes refocused but he didn’t say anything.

“Earth to Max. We got you a familiar. Her name is Muack and she’s a mutant platypus and she’s going to sleep in our tent and eat your and Neil’s leftovers and she’s allowed to kill anybody who comes to take us away and chop us up!”

Max looked at Nikki, then at the platypus.

“Whatever. Let’s just head back already.”

The platypus hissed in what seemed, strangely enough, like agreement.


	3. Escape Plans

“So, Max. Is today the day we finally..._ present _...your idea?”

“Yup. The _ slideshow _ is ready and the _ projector _ is running.”

“This is stupid. I hope you guys realize exactly how dangerous this is.”

“_ Shut up _, Neil. You’re going to give us away. Besides, you’re the one who said you were in, no questions asked.”

“Well, yeah. And I’m regretting it already. But I’m a man of my word, and if I don’t - “

Max’s eyes darkened in warning as David passed by their table.

“ - _ help _ you guys with the _ slideshow _ , you’ll probably cover it in _ rainbow colored comic sans _.”

“Dude. Can you go five minutes without saying something nerdy?”

“You’re the one who came up with this stupid code. I’m just playing along.”

“Fuck off.”

“I _ like _comic sans.”

“Nikki...what the fuck?”

Muack jumped on Max’s pancakes and made a point of turning to face him.

“Muack.”

“I know the risks. And why the fuck should I listen to you? You’re a platypus.”

“Muack.”

“Do it and I’ll tell David I miss my Nani’s platypus samosas.”

“Muack."

“I know! That’s exactly why I do it!”

She hissed, ate his breakfast, and wandered off to do...whatever the fuck it is she does during the day. Max didn’t care about the schedule of a platypus.

“God _ dammit, _those were the first pancakes I’ve had in a year that didn’t taste like sawdust.”

“Ran out of sawdust.” The Quartermaster muttered as he passed by. Max glanced at him uncomfortably before looking back to his empty tray.

“O-kayyy, I’m not even gonna touch that. Not _ this _ early in the morning.”

“So, what time do we _ present _? I forgot.”

“Well. You know we have to do it after _ the office gets locked _ , otherwise the _ boss _ will be there and if he sees, he’ll _ dock our pay _.”

“This is stupid."

“You’re stupid.”

“We’re gonna get caught, you idiot. And if we don’t, we’ll be as good as dead.”

“Do you _ want _ to spend the next six years of your life here?”

“Of fucking _ course _ not, but do you really think things are better out there?”

“You said you’d come with us. And then you said it again. Why do you keep second-guessing this? Why can’t you keep your promise?”

“Because I love you two idiots and I don’t want to watch you both fucking _ DIE _ ON A STEEL TABLE IN AN UNDERGROUND FUCKING LABRATORY, SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF SCALPEL WIELDING _ WHORES _ .” 

“Neil, _ shut up _.”

“NO, FUCK YOU, I’M SAYING THIS. I LOVE YOU AND NIKKI LIKE MY OWN GODDAMN - “

Max punched a hole straight through the table.

“NEIL, DAVID IS _ RIGHT _ BEHIND YOU, SHUT _ THE FUCK _UP.”

And then Neil felt a tap on his shoulder, and all three of them were whisked away to the counselor’s cabin.

“You three...are sleeping here tonight.”

Nikki and Neil both buried their faces into their knees, trying not to make eye contact. Max, still seething with rage, snatched an empty coffee mug off David’s desk and crushed it into ceramic dust.

“The _ fuck _ do you mean, sleeping here tonight?”

“I heard your conversation. You’re going to try to escape the camp.”

“Yeah, to be rid of _ you _ , you sunshiny treefucking asshole.” 

“Max, I am not your enemy here. You guys can’t_ begin _ to understand exactly how dangerous it is out there. Now _ breathe _, and count to ten like we practiced.”

Reluctantly, Max forced himself to calm down.

“I’m going to tell you a story.”

“Is it going to be another stupid fairy tale where _ everybody _ ends up okay because they _ followed the rules _?”

“No. It’s not.”

David’s eyes shifted, as if he were staring at something very far away.

“When Gwen and I were both your age, we had a friend named Jasper. The three of us together were like a little gang of our own. We got into more trouble in a year than the three of you will in your entire lives. One time, we got the idea to escape the campgrounds. And thanks to Gwen’s Darkened One powers, we actually managed to outmaneuver the counselors.”

David looked Max dead in the eye.

“We were picked up almost immediately. I don’t remember how long the drive took, but...they took us to this room. It was white, floor to ceiling. They tied the three of us down to hospital beds, stripped us like we were animals. They brought out their equipment and, without even knocking him out first, they sliced Jasper’s throat open. He was awake the whole time. Two hours. He was a Survivor, like me. We listened to him scream and cry and beg for two _ fucking _hours before he died from the pain of having his nerves and organs and everything just being cut and regenerating over and over. That’s how long he survived. Two hours.”

David’s face was streaming with tears. Max was practically catatonic.

“Then when he was dead, they moved on to me. The first thing they did was slit my belly open. I was _ ten _ . I still have scars from every single time they cut me. I count them every night. I still remember every single one. They cut a ten year old boy open seventy times, and they weren’t even _ done. _ I was just lucky the SLM responded as fast as they did, because if they had another ten minutes with me, I’d have died, too.”

“D-David, I...”

“When they took us away, I looked at Jasper’s body.”

“You don’t need to tell me, it’s okay, we’re sorry, we’ll never try to leave the camp again!”

“It was in pieces. It was just a pile of pieces.”

“Jesus Christ. Now _ I _ have trauma about this.”

“Now, do you three understand why you can’t leave the camp?”

Nikki and Neil had completely blocked out everything David said, but they nodded anyways. Max only stared.

“I don’t want anything like that to ever happen to any of you. So you’ll be sleeping in the counselor’s cabin tonight. Possibly for the rest of the week.”

“I...fine.”

David blew a puff of air out of his nose.

“Gwen and I are going to be monitoring you three for the rest of the day. Go. I need to...clean up all this...”

They couldn’t have left more quickly. Gwen, who was waiting outside, nodded to them.

“Everybody else is practicing in the forest today, but we’re going to the field because I need to keep an eye on you.”

That morning, Max burned every single target and dummy in that field to ash. Neil and Nikki sparred on the other side, but their hearts were obviously not in it.

Neil summoned a chunk of palladium, and fashioned it into a short dagger. He threw it at Nikki.

“You think we should have listened to what David had to say?”

Nikki dodged the dagger easily, and tangled the grass around Neil’s feet into his shoes, causing him to fall over. She pulled the dagger out of the ground and gave it back to Neil.

“Nah. It looks like it messed Max up pretty bad. We should probably talk to him about it.”

Neil sliced his feet free and sent the palladium back to wherever it came from.

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me. I’m the one that got us caught, after all.”

“Are you sure, or are you just too chicken?”

“I’m not - “

Nikki folded her arms and flapped them like a chicken, screeching vaguely bird-like sounds until Neil relented.

“ - yeah, ok. I’m scared. He’s an angry guy. What if he goes into Berserker mode and snaps my arm in half?”

“Max wouldn’t do that, and you know it.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me again?”

“You kinda professed your brotherly love of him in front of the entire camp just this morning.”

“And it got us _ caught _.”

“Oh _ god _ , I can’t believe I’m being the smart one right now. Is this what this feels like? Could I be... _ gasp _...the chosen one?” 

“Get to the point, will you?”

“He’s _ lonely _ . You remember he said something about missing a guy named Chucky? Dude turned 16 at the end of Max’s first month here and left to join an SLM Cell. They found the whole Cell, Nucleus included, dead in a ditch the week after. That’s the only friend Max had before us, and he left after a month and got killed a week later. That was _ six years ago _ . His parents dumped him off here when he was _ four _, and he hadn’t even manifested his primary yet.”

“How the hell do you know all that?”

“Snuck into the computer room. Militia database was still open.”

“And you didn’t immediately close it to play Solitaire?”

“Spider Solitaire, actually. But no, I thought I probably wouldn’t get the chance to look at it again in a while. A good agent of chaos is always well-informed. I _ did _ actually play a few games after. Beat the high score.”

“Right. So, I’m guessing we keep it a secret that we know all this from Max?”

“You don’t have to, morons. I’ve been right here since Nikki’s shitty chicken impression.”

They both turned around to see Max, scowling and tapping his foot impatiently.

“Lunch started ten minutes ago. Gwen is waiting for us at the other side of the field. Setting fire to things is exhausting, I’m hungry, let’s go.”

“Max...we didn’t...”

“It’s _ fine. _ I forgive both of you idiots for invading my privacy and psychoanalyzing me behind my back. And all the other transgressions you’ve built up over the past week that I don’t feel like listing. Besides, after hearing David’s story, I think Neil might have saved our asses. Though I will probably need to start drinking again just to forget what he said. Turns out you can’t break what’s already fucking smashed into fine dust.”

“Drinking... again?”

“Not now, Neil. Just...not now.”

“Fair enough.”


	4. Insomnia

That night, David did not sleep.

Then again, he usually didn’t sleep much to begin with. Between the military alertness that lingered even after he was taken off active duty, the diminished need for sleep that being a Survivor granted him, and the horrible traumatic nightmares he kept having but refused to tell anybody about, David guessed he could be called an insomniac.

And then, of course, there was Max.

Looking at Max was like looking at a portal through time. The same angry scowl and judgemental squint, the same defiant attitude and calculatedly reckless behavior. He wasn’t sure why he kept thinking about it.

Max was just another kid out of many that David had to train into a soldier. Not only was he not unique to that end, but Max also _ hated _ him.

But still, when he thought of the kid marching off to join an SLM Cell, he felt an awful sense of panic in his gut. One that he didn’t feel for any of the others.

“Screw this.”

He picked up his phone and dialed a number he hadn’t called in a few weeks.

_ “Tawnshi? C’est toi, David?” _ (Hello? Is that you, David?)

“Yeah, it’s me.”

_ “Parles français. Je sais que tu peux.” _(Speak French. I know you can.)

“It's been a while since the mission in Toulouse, actually.”

_ “Alors, peux-tu parler michif? Je suis si fier!” _(Then, you can speak Michif? I’m so proud!)

David smiled briefly. Old granny Rosaline hadn’t gotten any less sarcastic.

“Non, mémé, Je ne peux pas.” (No, grandma. I can’t.)

_ “On peut espoir, Davey. Bon, ça va?” _(One can dream, Davey. Anyways, what’s going on?)

David told her about Max. About how he had the same face that David did when he was that age. About how he always caused chaos and got into trouble. About how the thought of him leaving to fight in a Cell made his stomach twist. And Rosaline listened, and listened, and listened. And when he was done, she paused a bit.

“Mémé? T’es là?” (Grandma? Are you there?)

_ “Mon petit fils, ce sentiment...est juste un instinct paternel.” _(My grandson, that feeling...is just a paternal instinct.)

“Quoi? Que dis-tu?” (What? What are you saying?)

_ “Tu veux agir comme si tu étais son père.” _(You want to act like you’re his father.)

“Oh. Oh _ shi _ \- oot.”

On the other end of the line, Rosaline burst out laughing.

“Je t’aime, mémé.” (I love you, grandma.)

_ “Je t’aime aussi, petit gamin. Bon swear.” _(I love you too, you little brat. Bye.)

“Bye.”

She hung up, and David sighed. _ Paternal instinct _ . Great. Just perfect.

“Shit David, who the hell were you calling for that long?”

He spun around to see Max standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a tall glass of water in his hand.

“Max, what are you doing up this late?”

“I’ve been here for six years, and you couldn’t tell I had insomnia until now? I’ve been awake the whole time, asshole. Now answer my question.”

“That was my grandma.”

“Your grandma is still _ alive _?”

“Parents were super young. Grandparents too. She’s seventy.”

“Whatever.”

Max downed the whole cup of water and set the glass down on David’s desk. He walked over to his sleeping bag, right next to Neil (who was sleeping like a log) and sat down on top of it.

“I’m bored.”

“Do you want me to tell you a story?”

“I think I’ve had enough of your stories for a day, thanks.”

Oh. Oh, right. David had gone a bit far that morning, hadn’t he?

“Sorry about that. I got too emotional and it got...kind of graphic. I promise this story will be nothing like that one, though. My grandma told it to me when I was very little.”

Max stared at him a bit, like he was challenging him to do something.

“Well? Are you gonna tell me the story or are you gonna just sit there and keep looking dumb?”

“Right. Anyways. A long, long time ago, there were a group of hunters who lived in what they now call Quebec. They lived in isolation, and the nearest civilized place was an Indian trading post - “

“Indian?”

“Like...First Nations.”

“Fuck, fine. It’s too late at night to chew you out for that. Go on, you idiot.”

“ - Anyways. They were far, far, away from other people. One New Year’s Eve, they decided they would go to see their girlfriends in Montreal. But just as they were ready to leave, a massive snowstorm blew in, pretty much trapping them in their cabin. Just as the men were about to unpack their things, the devil himself appeared out of nowhere - “

“And they didn’t fucking die of shock instantly?”

“_ Language. _ No, they didn’t die. The devil approached them and said, ‘If you all make a deal with me, I’ll get you all to Montreal before evening _ and _ I’ll bring you back before lunchtime tomorrow. You see, I have a magic canoe. It flies, and it goes very fast. What do you gentlemen say?’”

“Those dipshits took it, didn’t they?”

“They did. So then the devil explained to them that riding in the canoe came at a price. If they said the word ‘god’ or touched the steeple of any church as they steered the canoe, the devil could kill them and their souls would be damned for eternity.”

“I thought this story wasn’t fucked up as shit.”

“Just wait for it. So the men agreed, and they all climbed into the devil’s canoe and flew over to Montreal. True to his word, the devil got them there before evening, and nobody questioned how they’d gotten there. They went and saw their girlfriends and got very, very drunk.”

“I thought this was supposed to be a _ kid’s story _?”

“I never said it was, just that my grandma would tell me the story. And yeah, a lot of adults like to get drunk on New Year’s Eve. So when it was time to go back in the morning, the devil appeared to them and they all got in the canoe. But since they were drunk, they had a hard time steering, and they almost crashed into the steeple of a church, just missing it by a couple of meters. So they stopped and switched around their positions so somebody who was less drunk would be at the front of the canoe. But he was still too drunk, and they almost crashed into another church, this time missing by just one meter. So they stopped and switched again, but they were all just too drunk. They were heading over the last church before the forest, and the canoe swerved. They didn’t crash into it, but they did brush against the side of the steeple.”

David paused for dramatic effect. Max didn’t look very enthralled.

“So the devil got up and started dancing and laughing at the hunters, because he’d just won the right to kill them and take their souls to hell. But the man he was next to on the canoe was so drunk, he tried to join in on the dance. And when he did, he accidentally pushed the devil out of the canoe.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yup. The devil fell into a river of ice and drowned, and the hunters made it back to their settlement.”

“Wow. That’s pretty fucked up, David.”

“It’s a happy ending!”

“For the _ hunters _ ! The devil was helping them out on terms that _ they agreed to _ just because they couldn’t wait out a _ snowstorm _ and miss a holiday with zero _ actual _ significance, and then when they break his terms, instead of holding up their end of the deal, they kill him!”

“It’s the devil, Max. He wanted to kill them. And take their souls. Quebec is very, very catholic, so it’s kind of a big deal.”

“If they’re so catholic, then they wouldn’t have made a deal with the devil in the first place.”

“If it makes you feel better, there’s another version where they don’t kill the devil and their souls are doomed to ride the canoe for eternity.”

“You fucking bet it does. Motherfuckers deserve it.”

David let out a small, breathy laugh. He should have scolded Max for the language, but it was too funny. He would write that down in his journal for sure.

“So now what? I’m still not asleep. What time is it?”

“Midnight. Do you want to try to go to sleep again?”

“Nah. I’ll just sleep in the morning.”

“You’ll miss morning training. And breakfast.”

“Breakfast is shit. Nikki and Neil will understand. And fuck morning training.”

“Well, according to regulations, you need to train for at least 35 hours a week. And so far you’ve only got twenty six, because you keep slacking off. So if you’re not going to do morning training tomorrow, then you should do some now so you don’t have to do extra in the afternoon.”

“Whatever, camp man. I know we’re gonna have to leave the cabin for this at least, so just lead the way.”

They left the cabin and Max followed David out to the pier. He tilted his head when David climbed into one of the canoes.

“Where are we going?”

“Spooky Island.”

“What? I thought we weren’t supposed to leave the camp.”

“Actually, there are a few other Supernatural camps set up around the lake. The island’s actually like a safe base. We’re all supposed to go there in case of a raid.”

“Can we make a deal with the devil to take us there super fast?”

“I don’t know about the devil, but I’m sure there's some minor demon Gwen could conjure up that would make a great motor.”

“And then we’d push him in the lake and drown him, right?”

“Right.”

Twenty minutes later, they reached the island.

“We’re here.”

“I can see that, idiot. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t see any targets or ...”

Max looked at David, whose face was split into a wide grin.

“...dummies.”

Without warning, Max shot a pillar of fire out at him. David bent backwards to dodge and fell in the water, but he came up quickly.

“You catch on fast, Max.”

“Shut up! You sound like a serial killer from a movie or something!”

“Oh, I guess it could sound like that. Sor-.”

And just then, Max hit him with another blast of fire. David dove back under and held his breath as his burnt skin regenerated.

He’d pulled a similar stunt in his first fight with a counselor. He’d got them talking, and then wrapped their feet up in field grass. David looked at the algae growing at the bottom of the lake.

_ Could I...? _

He tried it. The algae swelled up. He got up and rode it like a wave, covered in green goop.

“Dude, _ gross _.”

“That was a good starting move, Max. I’m proud of you.”

“Shut up. I’m just getting warmed up. And I burnt half your face off, why the hell are you so proud of me for that?”

He shot another burst of flame at the counselor, but David used all the excess algae from before as a shield and rolled to the side.

“Skin grows back. And fighting dirty is the most important part of being an SLM soldier. It’s our best tactic.”

David noted that Max was inching back into the underbrush of the forest.

“You might wanna stay out of that forest, kiddo.”

Max followed David’s voice and shot another column of fire at him. David rolled away again, cringing as the regenerating skin on his back pressed against the beach.

“Fuck off. Don’t help me.”

David spotted a stray plant at Max’s foot and willed it to wind around his legs.

“I’m not. Forest is _ very _flammable, and I’d rather not spend tomorrow regrowing the whole thing.”

Max let out a short flash of fire around his legs and the plant turned to ash.

“That was pretty weak. Anyways, you could turn it into an exercise for Nikki.”

“I can’t be too rough. You’re not a Survivor, after all. And maybe we could do that in the winter, when we actually have to torch it to keep the underbrush under control, but not now.”

David ducked as the boy sent yet another cloud of fire sailing at him.

“You could help set it on fire then, though.”

“Eh, I’ll take it.”

They fought till six in the morning, when David finally collapsed, unable to keep up. Max shakily stumbled over to him.

“Finally wore you out, huh?”

David tried to laugh, but instead let out a wheeze.

“I need to have spare calories for the Survivor thing to work.”

“Can you get up?”

David attempted to lift his head up.

“Nope.”

“Well fuck. Should I go back and get Gwen?”

David’s mind froze. _ Gwen _...

He’d forgotten to leave a note.

_ Shit _.


	5. Return

“Well fuck. Should I go back and get Gwen?”

As it turned out, there was no need to answer Max’s question, because after standing for thirty seconds longer than David had, Max also collapsed.

“Look on the bright side, Max. At least we get to see the view of the lake!”

“There is literally a view of the lake everywhere next to the lake. Don’t try to put a bullshit positive spin on this, David, it’s not working.”

“Well, I think everything will turn out perfectly okay!”

“Yeah. Either we slowly die out here from being exposed to the elements and starving while Gwen looks for us, or she _ finds _ us and _ murders _us, and then we die anyways.”

“Hey, I’ll let her murder me twice, you can live on and avenge me.”

“Woah. Was that..._dark_ _humor _I heard? From Mr. Sunshine _himself_? Raise the alarms, it’s the end of the world.”

“I’ve killed about a hundred different people since I turned sixteen. And I told you about Jasper. It’s not like I can be _ all _ sunshine _ all _ the time.”

“Fair enough.”

“But at least I have this _ beautiful _sky to look at.”

“_ Aaaaaand _ you ruined it.”

David laughed.

Back on the mainland, Gwen was _ not _ laughing. She was glaring at Nikki and Neil.

“Alright you two. Max and David are both missing, I checked the entire camp _ including _ the Quartermaster’s store - which I’m fairly sure gave me some form of radiation poisoning _ or _ a new mental illness nobody’s discovered before - and I can’t find either of them. Anywhere.”

“We didn’t do it! I refuse to talk! I want my lawyer! I’m no snitch!”

“Nikki, she hasn’t even accused us of doing anything yet.”

Gwen leaned down, eye level to Nikki.

“Where is he?”

Neil pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“We don’t know. If Max _ did _ end up finally snapping and luring David out into the forest to kill him, I guarantee you he didn’t tell us. We would’ve gone with him if he did.”

Gwen gave him a look.

“To stop him, obviously.”

“...Right. I’m gonna just...”

“Couldn’t you just use your powers to find them?”

“Oh. Oh yeah. I _ could _ do that. Sometimes I forget how useful being a Darkened One is. Personal universe, conditional immortality, no arguing with racist relatives on Thanksgiving...”

Gwen reached into the Void and pulled out a translucent purple orb and a safety pin. 

Wordlessly, she opened the safety pin and jabbed it into her own shoulder. She collected some blood on her finger and rubbed it into the orb, then held it up above her head. Nikki was quiet, but she watched with amazement as Gwen recited the incantation.

“O Great Xemüg, whose dark name shakes the light of the stars when it is spoken. O Powerful Xemüg, whose stomach digests the bodies of innocent mortal men till only their spirits remain. Lend the power of your all-seeing eyes to the stone which I hold above my head now, and accept the elixir of vitality that I have lain upon it to quench your thirst!”

The orb flashed a color that could only be described as black, and the blood was gone. Gwen lowered it to her face and pressed it against her forehead.

“Alright, Orb of Divining, show me the place where the one called David Faolan DuBois stands.”

Nothing.

“_ Ugh, _ these things are so specific. Let’s try that again. Orb of Divining, show me the place where the one called David Faolan DuBois _ sits _.”

Still nothing.

“That idiot better not have gotten himself killed. Orb of Divining, show me the place where the one called David Faolan DuBois lies.”

Finally, an image appeared of David and Max passed out, _ alive _, on the shore of what was obviously Spooky Island.

Gwen removed the orb from her forehead and set it down on her bed.

“I’m going to _ kill _him. You two go to breakfast.”

She stormed out of the cabin and up to the pier. Using dark energy like a jetpack, she launched herself across a kilometer and a half of water and right next to an abandoned canoe.

“David? Where the fuck are you?”

Getting no response, she decided to search along the beach. About a hundred meters into her search, she finally found her bodies, sleeping in the sand and rocks. Unable to help herself, Gwen took out her phone and snapped a picture. She admired it as loudly as she could, trying to rouse the unconscious child and man-child lying on the ground.

“Wow, this picture of David and Max sleeping side by side is _ adorable _ . If they don’t get up _ right the fuck now _ , I’m going to _ post this _ to the SLM artist’s forum and title it something embarassing like, ‘Like Father, Like Son.’ Or, maybe I could even use it as _ blackmail _ . Maybe I could even get Max to give me his hoodie that breaks uniform code so I can _ throw it away _.”

At that, Max’s eyes snapped open.

“Do _ not _ touch the hoodie. I will wear this hoodie on my fucking deathbed. If I discover it’s missing at any point from now on, I will _ automatically _blame you. And then I’ll kill you. Oh look, I can stand up again.”

“First of all, kid, there is no way you could ever hope to defeat me. I fucking _ flew _here like a goddamn rocket of darkness, and I have control of an entire dimension. You should be more careful who you promise to kill. Second of all, I’m not actually going to touch your hoodie. I was just trying to wake you up. Now go get in the boat while I wake up David.”

Max rolled his eyes, but still went off in the direction of the canoe. Gwen turned to David, pulled her water bottle out from the Void, and dumped it on his face. He opened his eyes just a little and tilted his head to look at her.

“Wha...? Gwen...? Wha’re ya doin’ here...?”

“David, are you fucking stupid?”

“Max could’n sleep...wan’d ta bond...”

“Then leave a note or something! Anything but running off into the night without telling anybody and making me run around, thinking you’re lost or _ worse _.”

“Did’n mean...”

“Goddammit David, I _ already _ lost Jasper. And thanks to the kids and their stupid plan, those wounds are _ fresh _ again. Did you think I _ wouldn’t _ worry?” 

David didn’t, _ couldn’t _ look her in the eye.

“Sorry...m’stupid...”

“Apology accepted. Now get the fuck up. I know you can.”

He rose to his feet and walked back to the canoe with her. They all got in it and Gwen used her powers to propel them back to the camp. 


	6. Shell Cracking

By lunchtime, word had gotten around about Max and David’s little island adventure, and everybody crowded around Max to hear about it.

“Honestly, I thought you were kind of a dick before, but if you can take down somebody three times your size, then I guess you’re pretty cool. We should spar sometime.”

“Uh, fire versus ice doesn’t sound like a fair fight, but what the fuck, I’ll take you up on that.”

“Cool.”

As soon as Ered gave Max some space, Nerris rushed into fill it.

“Hey Max, you hate Harrison, right? Want to form a party and gang up on him with me?”

Harrison pushed his way through the crowd to stand in front of his adversary.

“No way, he’s going to help me beat you...aren’t you, Max?”

Max looked between the two, noting the strange glances they sent each other, and arrived at a solution.

“Wouldn’t it be more rewarding to beat your rival one-on-one, though? I don’t want to steal anybody’s thunder.”

“That’s actually...”

“...pretty good advice,” Harrison finished. Nerris nodded.

“Honestly, this was supposed to be a bet to see which one of us could win you over first, but...”

“...you didn’t pick one of us over the other for an easy beatdown, you recognized our relationship and decided not to interfere. You’re actually not such a bad guy!”

“For once, I agree. We should try to be friends, all three of us!”

“Well, except for me and you, Nerris.”

“Yeah, I’ll always hate your loser ass, Harrison.”

“You guys realize you just finished each other’s sentences twice in a row, right?”

They both blushed before giving two different and completely random excuses to leave and walking off, still side-by-side.

“God, they’re so oblivious, it’d almost be cute if it wasn’t totally infuriating.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Nurf? Even you, huh?”

“Well, you know, you just pulled off something incredible and I wanted to congratulate you but I’m not sure how. You still drink?”

“Well, not recently, but I’d be down. Why you ask?”

“I was just digging though some of my mom’s old journals, found a recipe for dandelion wine. I have a bottle fermenting underground somewhere, but it’s kinda big. Nobody else here drinks, so I thought we could split it when it’s ready.”

“You know what, I’d like that.”

“Alright! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go make fun of Space Kid.”

“See ya.”

Max wasn’t expecting people to keep talking to him after the first day, but they did. He didn’t expect them to follow through on the plans they’d made with him, but they did. And as the week passed, he found more and more people coming to hang out with him, not just during lunch, but during training and free time too. And he even noticed them hanging out with each other, which hadn’t been as big of a thing before. It had been almost a week since his late night training session and he suddenly was fixing people’s stuffed animals and laughing at their jokes and pouring rubbing alcohol into their skinned knees while David and Gwen fetched bandages. Hell, he’d even joined Nerris’ Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and then _ so did everybody else _.

“Alright, guys. Two dust mephits rise up out of the sand and attack. Roll for initiative!”

“I got a six. Minus vone, zat’s five. Zis just has not been my day.”

“Ha, I got a one! That means I win because I’m the first!”

“Not how it works, Space Kid. I got a fourteen, plus another five. If any of you fuckers roll a nat twenty I’m going to scream.”

“Hey, I got a ten, plus two. Cool.”

“Aaand I got a seven. Minus three. Where’s everybody else?”

“Harrison’s still sleeping, and Preston said he got over his writer’s block so he’s working on that play of his instead. I think I saw Gwen pull Nikki and Nurf aside. They’re probably in trouble for yesterday. Anyways, the attack order is Max, Ered, Dolph, Neil, Space Kid.”

“Aw, I told Gwen they were only trying to help.”

“That’s probably why they’re in trouble. Oh, and I stab the first dust mephit to the right with my dagger. I got a five.”

“Alright. Plus one damage enchantment on the dagger, so mephit number one takes six damage. Ered?”

“I cast Ice Blade at the second one. I got an eight.”

“Alright, so that’s eight damage. Dolph, you’re up.”

“I cast Lesser Confusion on ze first dust mephit. As a bonus action, I vill sing an encouraging song for our Alchemist friend.”

“Okay. That’s one extra d6 to the next attack.”

“You better not fuck this one up, Neil.”

“Shut up, Max, I won’t. I throw a Volatile Mixture in between the two mephits. I roll one seven and one four.”

“Oh yeah, they’re gone now. Exploded into dust. Poof.”

“Aw, I wanted to attack something!”

“Don’t worry, Space Kid. There’s probably a cactus or something you can try to seduce for two hours.”

“Eh, that was only funny the first four times. It’s gotten old now.”

“But you’ve done that six times.”

“Well, actually, Nerris, the last two times were to piss you off.”

Nerris blinked.

“To be honest, that was so surprising that I’m not even offended that you admitted it.”

“I am though. You’re supposed to be the pure one. Watch your language.”

“Max, you say ‘fuck’ like once every five seconds. Let me say something for once.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m my own animal. Dogs say woof, platypuses say muack, and I say fuck.”

“Speaking of Muack, where is she? Pinky says he misses her, and he keeps sneaking into the back of my shirt and running all over with his little mouse feet, so I’d really appreciate if she could distract him for a few hours.”

“I don’t know. She ate our eggs this morning and fucked off. Probably got the shits and wanted some privacy to let it all out.”

Gwen’s voice broke through the distance.

“_ Hey, you brats! Wrap it up, lunch is ready!” _

Neil stood up first and handed his character sheet and dice back to Nerris.

“Come on, guys. If we’re late we’ll miss out on the free fertilizer!”

Later, as they were picking at their lunch, David walked up to the head of their table and set his hands on the corners. Nobody turned around.

“I have exciting news for everybody!”

They continued to ignore him, but he kept going.

“Since you’ve all been getting along so well recently, I’ve decided to arrange a super-fun team-building training activity that will take up the rest of the afternoon.”

That was met with a unanimous groan.

“Hey, now. You haven’t even heard what it is yet.”

“What could it possibly be, David? Competitive group underwater basket weaving?”

“No, though I _ will _remember that for later, so thank you Max. Actually, I invited the Scouts from across the lake to come over and play capture-the-flag with us!”

Nikki jumped on David, holding herself eye level with him by his collar as she shouted at him.

“The Scouts? Those stuck-up, gender-role-worshipping, insufferable assholes? The people who _ ran me out of their group _ because my power wasn’t _ girly enough? _ You invited _ them _ to come here and _ play _with us?”

“Yeah, there’s no way I’m putting up with them. That Billy kid fucking stabbed me with a candy cane once. We went to the same preschool.”

“If they try to dock at our pier, I’ll flip their boat. Who’s with me?”

“Aw yeah, I’ll freeze the lake with them in it.”

“I’ll make them _ disappear _.”

The table buzzed with ideas, each getting more and more gruesome. Preston was describing in explicit detail his plan to toss each of the Scouts into a volcano as sacrifices to the gods when David finally interrupted.

_ “ALRIGHT!” _

The children fell silent, staring at either David or their shoes and waiting. David smiled, but it wasn’t one of his usual sunshine smiles. This smile was uncharacteristically devious.

“You didn’t let me finish. It’s going to be a bit more..._ violent _ than your typical game of capture-the-flag. And you guys and the Scouts are going to be on opposite sides.”

“Holy shit, David. Have you been replaced by an alien? Is your grandmother terminally ill? Did Gwen destroy your favorite guitar?”

“No, Max. You see, Miss Priss, the head of the Scouts, has been emasculating me in front of my ex-girlfriend at every SLM conference call since my breakup. She calls me a flower-boy and says my power isn’t manly enough, implies that I can’t be pan because ‘if you’re into guys, you’re _ only _ into guys,’ and just really, really, _ really _ makes me wish we weren’t on the same side. So what I want you, and I mean _ all _ of you, to do, is to take her precious little boys and girls into that forest over there, and _ annihilate them _. And if you do, I’ll win a soft serve machine in our bet, and I’ll put it in the Mess Hall. What do you all say?”

The cheers were almost deafening.

“Okay. The Scouts boat arrives at one o’clock. Can you all be done with lunch and be at the pier by a quarter til?”


	7. A Scrape With The Scouts

“Okay, everybody. There are three major things that you’re not allowed to do in this game. No killing, no permanent maiming, and no familiars on the playing field. Now, instead of flag belts, everybody gets one of  _ these _ \- “

He held up a small leather pouch.

“ - glass marbles that you must have on your person at all times. Here, Harrison. Just take one and pass it on. If your marble is destroyed, you’re out and should come back to the Mess Hall. If you keep trying to play after you’re out, your team forfeits the game. Do not put the marbles in  _ any _ hole in your body whatsoever, Space Kid.”

“But they look really tasty!”

“You _ know _ that they aren’t.”

“Doesn’t hurt to try.”

“New rule. If you eat the marble, you’re out.”

“Aw, fine.”

“Okay. Now, the playing field. The playing field is in the forest. It’s split into three even sections; the west team’s territory, the east team’s territory, and No Man’s Land, which is in between them. The boundaries of all the sections have visible and marked borders that Gwen went through and used her powers to create. If you leave the playing field, you’re out.”

He paused to take a deep breath.

“Flags. There are five flags. Two in each team’s territory, and one more in No Man’s Land. If you can take all five flags back to your team’s territory, you win. If all your team is out, you lose. Each team has a Nucleus, assigned by the counselors. The Nucleus is responsible for strategy and planning, everybody listens to them. Does anybody have any questions? Nikki?”

“How do you  _ know _ we’re not permanently maiming anybody?”

“Gwen put Glyphs of Vision on both sides of every tree in the forest. We basically get a live video feed. And if you destroy or block one, we’ll know, and you’ll be out.”

“Dammit, there goes my spy movie strategy.”

“Okay. If there are no more questions, then let’s go!”

It took another half hour for the Scouts to arrive. They came in on a small, old pontoon. David shot a glare at Miss Priss and Miss Priss shot one right back.   


“You’re late. We call the west territory.”

“A queen is never late, DuBois. Everybody else is simply early.”

“Are you calling your male Scouts queens, too? I never thought you had it in you. Do you hear that? It’s the sound of you, moving up from the nineteenth century up to the twentieth. You’re almost there, queenie. Don’t stop.”

“How dare you - ! Fine. You get west. Sasha?”

A female Scout with salmon pink hair came forward.

“Yes, Miss Priss?”

“You’re our Nucleus. I’m going to win this bet, so you  _ better  _ win too!”

“Understood. Come on, Scouts. Let’s move.”

The other six Scouts followed her to the west end of the forest. David turned to the ten remaining children.

“Okay, Preston. You’re our team’s Nucleus. Make us proud!”

“You bet I will!”

Preston lead his team to the other side of the forest. Everybody lined up while their Nucleus paced in front of them.

“Okay everybody, get your  _ shit  _ together! We’re going to beat those bastards’ souls out of their bodies, and this is how we’re going to do it! Nikki!”

“Yes?”

“First, I need you to work your Whisperer magic. David said no familiars, but he didn’t say anything about wild animals. I know you’re friends with the pack in this forest, so I need you to convince all the wolves to let us ride them. That way, we can all move faster. We’ll use a code with their howls, too. One howl is a distress call, two is a flag capture, and three is a ‘kill.’ Can you remember that and teach the wolves to remember that?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Great! Now, the rest of you, take off one of your socks and give it to Nikki so the wolves will know your scents and can find you.”

Everybody took off one of their socks and handed it to Nikki, who shoved them all in her pockets.

“Okay. Now, I want you all to split up and go into No Man’s Land. Track down a Scout, evaluate their powers, and most importantly, make sure you leave deep emotional scars when you’re done with them. David said no maiming, so get creative! The stage is set, go and show them what we’re made of!”

And without another word, they all split and took their own paths to No Man’s Land.

Space Kid, unfortunately, was the first to go. It wasn’t even an honorable fight.

“Heyyy there, little guy. You’re  _ super _ cute, what’s your name? I’m Tabii, with two ‘i’s.”

Tabii winked a him. He felt a strange flutter in his chest.   


“Uhhh, Neil. But my friends just call me Space Kid.”

“Interesting. So, uh, Nell, do you happen to have a marble I could borrow? I lost mine and it’d be, like, _super_ sweet if you could just give me yours?”

“O-oh! Yeah, sure!”

And then he handed her his marble, and she dropped it to the floor and crushed it underfoot. The spell broke.

“Aw, shoot. I got charmed. This sucks.”   


“Honestly, even I expected a little more resistance. I guess I really must be that beautiful.”   


Space Kid took a few seconds to process what she had said.

“Don’t flatter yourself, you big meanie. You have troopmates, but I have friends, and they’re not gonna just give you their marbles.”

Defeated but not discouraged, he walked back to the Mess Hall.

A few minutes after Space Kid got out, Nikki found her wolf friends, all ten of them gathered around their favorite shady spot.

“Hey there guys! I need to cash in all my favors right now.”

Roy, a large adult male with curly black fur, barked.

“Okay, I’ll explain. We’re playing capture-the-flag against the Scouts.”

Roy’s ears perked up. She’d told them all about the Scouts. He turned to the rest of his pack and barked some more. They all bobbed their heads in confirmation, and Roy turned back to Nikki.

“So you’ll help me? Great. Here are all the rules...”

She took about ten minutes to explain the rules of the game, and another ten to explain what she wanted them to do. She took the socks out from her pockets and dropped them on the ground. The pack circled up and got a good whiff of each one.

“Everybody pick a sock and track that person down. Do not let anybody who does not smell like these people or me ride you. If you do find one of the Scouts, then scare them as much as you like, but don’t draw blood or break bones. Oh, and we’ve got a code. When your human is in trouble, howl once. When they get a flag, howl twice, and if they break somebody’s marble, howl three times. Now, Space Kid - that’s the one with the galaxy socks - is probably out already, so Kudzu can just go with Hilgya. Roy, can you go with me?”

The wolf nodded and let Nikki get on his back. She stuffed Space Kid’s sock back in her pocket.   


“Okay everybody! Find those humans!”   


Maxwell Anand was  _ not _ a happy camper. This statement applied to his life in general, but this was special, this was a whole new level of misery. This was his worst nightmare.

He’d been captured by his two least favorite people on earth, after his parents: Edward Pikeman and Billy Nikssilp. And now, instead of them just breaking his marble and sending him on his way, they were gloating at him.

“Finding you was pretty easy. Being a Bloodhound is a great tactical advantage, even if I do share quarters with  _ Jermy _ . Really, I have the best powers for this exercise. I’m quite the military genius.”

“I will make a fucking _ rotisserie  _ out of you, Pikeman!”

Billy slapped him.

“Shut your trap.”

Max spat at him.   


“Fuck you, Billy. You’ll be next! Just wait till this vine dries, I’ll toast you like a fucking marshmallow!”

That earned him another slap.

“I  _ said _ the name was Snake.”

Max was trying his hardest to get them to make him legitimately angry, but so far the only thing he felt was annoyance. Not good enough.  _ Think, think.  _ What could he say to make one of them say something that would truly enrage him?

“Hey, did you know I like guys?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

_ Alright, Pikeman. Hit me. Hit me with your shitty, shitty personality.   
_

“I said I like guys. I like guys and girls. At the same time. It’s called bisexuality. I looked it up.”

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.”

“And that’s not all! Half of the guys in our camp also like guys. Nurf likes guys, Preston likes guys, Neil likes guys, we’re like a big old camp of guys...who like guys.”

It didn’t have the intended effect.

“Um, okay then. I think Snake’s like that too, so, uh. Don’t worry about it?”

_ Dammit, Pikeman. Why can’t you pick a different time to act like a decent human being? And why do I have to have another thing in common with Billy?   
_

“Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes. I’m quite the military genius. Having Survivor as my secondary doesn’t hurt, either, but my real talent lies not with my powers, but with my mind! It was me who had the idea to soak those vines in the creek. It was the obvious thing to do. Even before you started threatening to burn me, I could tell you were a Fire User from the mild smell of smoke in your hair. Most people would brush that aside, even other Bloodhounds, but not me. I’m smart. It’s just one of the many reasons us Scouts are better than you campers.”

Hearing Pikeman insult his friends caused Max to feel a twinge of anger in his gut. Finally, something to be genuinely pissed about. An opening.

“So what are the other reasons, then?”

“Huh?”

“I want to hear the other reasons you’re all so much fucking better than us.”

“Well, the list is pretty long, and I have other things to do, but I  _ am _ supposed to be crushing your spirit, so I guess I can cut a few minutes from my break for this.”

_ Sucker. I’m going to rip his fingers off and watch them grow back so many times when this is over. _

“Well, for one thing, we’re obviously a whole lot more orderly than you lot.”   


Well, no argument there. Orderliness didn’t exactly strike Max as a necessity in an SLM Cell. The only order that mattered was following orders, not marching in unison like a bunch of morons while you did it.   


“And?”

“We’re leagues more competent, both as fighters and as strategists. I mean, really. Have you seen that kid with the bowl on his head? And the shorty with the German accent? That theater fruitcake? I bet they couldn’t beat a blindfolded kitten in a game of chess, much less an actual fight.”

Max could feel his own blood getting warmer. He’d sparred with Space Kid once, and only once, because it turned out that, after playing so many hours of space-based shoot-em-ups, Space Kid was excellent at hitting moving targets. Dolph? History nut, absolutely crazy about any sort of war strategy game. And Preston? Nobody that creative should be allowed to warp sound and light. The first time Max sparred with him, he thought he was actually losing his mind.   


In other words, Pikeman was talking out of his ass. Now he just needed to turn up the heat, say something viscerally repulsive and slimy...

“And, of course, the Scouts respect and accept our roles as men and women, which I cannot say for you people. Is that black girl even trying to look female? She’s hideous.”   


Forget the fingers. Max was going to rip this bastard’s _ spine _ out and beat him with it. Blood boiling, he finally freed himself from the vines. He launched himself into the air with his Berserker strength and held his arm up in preparation for the biggest fireball of his life.

“DO  _ NOT _ CALL NERRIS A GIRL.”

Max landed in a gap in the flames and watched as his inferno swallowed up both Scouts, as well as most of the trees within a ten meter radius. The most surprising thing to Max, however, was that his fire was not its usual orangish-yellow, but a bright, searing white. He dispelled the remaining flames and walked up to his dazed adversaries, who were still processing what had happened as their burnt skin flaked off and new layers grew in. He took a few breaths and counted up to ten before starting.

“Your marbles are melted, assholes, and I’ll tell you why - one of the things we campers do better than you is that we don’t  _ lecture _ our prisoners while they plot their escape. Remember to tell everybody on your side about just how badly you fucked up today. Also, Pikeman, your face is gross. Been holding that in for a while. Now get the _ fuck  _ out of my sight, before I decide to break the rules and slowly cook you both to death.”

Pikeman nodded dumbly, and then they both wandered off in the opposite direction of the Mess Hall. Billy even turned himself invisible so he could hide his pathetic limp. Max didn’t bother to correct them. They’d see the field lines eventually. Max raised his head and, in the absence of an actual wolf, howled six times, then turned around and sprinted back towards home territory.

Ered had always been a very even-tempered girl. She got frustrated or annoyed on occasion, sure, but never angry. Sorting through all her memories, Ered could only think of two, no, three times she had ever been truly enraged.

The first time was at a random street corner in Milwaukee. She and her dads were walking by and some fire-and-brimstone preacher who’d been standing there with his megaphone noticed them and singled her dads out. Being five, she only had the verbal skills to call the man ‘mean and stupid’ before bursting into tears.   


The second time, she had gone over to her next-door-neighbor's garage to borrow an extra wirecutter when she’d discovered her old, previously-presumed-lost skateboard sitting next to his lawnmower. Ten-year-old Ered had then proceeded to chew out the 36-year-old man using words she’d picked up from Xbox Live before taking her board and storming back home.

This was the third time. Getting caught as soon as she stepped into Scouts territory - and by  _ Jermy Fartz _ , of all people - was the third time. After five more years of keeping her calm, another snowstorm was due and  _ boy _ , Ered was going to deliver it.

She ducked as another boulder sailed over her head.   


How was this completely uncool loser keeping up with her?

“Oh, you dodged that one, too. Guess I’ll have to conjure up another.”

She grit her teeth. If she could have one extra second between attacks, she could wipe this guy out. Maybe it was time for a change in tactics. Reluctantly, she turned invisible.

“Oh, I see. You’re a Vanisher. My friend Snake is a Vanisher, too. He’s really cool. You guys should hang out sometime.”

“I don’t want to hang out with any of you lameass Scouts!”

Jermy spun around to face her. Fuck, had she said that out loud?

She raised a wall of ice to intercept the volley of rocks he started tossing and ran in the other direction. It felt uncool as hell to just run, but she’d just fucked over her own strategy. Buying time to think of a new one was better than losing, right?   


“Hey, I’m still here!”

_ Shit, _ this guy was faster than he looked. She changed directions, hoping to throw him for a loop, before she collided with something big, black, and fuzzy.

She’d crashed into a massive green-eyed she-wolf, who had a single striped tube sock hanging from her jaw. Ered flickered back into the visible spectrum. This was one of the wolf friends Nikki was always going on about...Julie, no, Julia.   


“Alright, this is pretty cool. Can you kinda crouch a little? You’re kinda big and I can’t reach.”

Julia leaned down and Ered climbed on her back. Just soon enough, too, because Jermy had finally spotted her.   


“Hey, we can’t use familiars! You should be out!”

Julia bared her teeth and let out a low growl. Jermy took a few steps back, intimidated.

“Whoa there, easy girl. I already won, there’s no reason to be bitter about it.”

Julia inched closer to Jermy as he backed himself up against a tree.

“Shut  _ up _ . First, my familiar is a  _ milk snake _ . His name is Gelato and he’s cool as  _ fuck _ . Second, Julia here is just a wild sister, totally uncontracted. So the game’s still on. Third, eat THIS!”

She summoned a snow hammer and slammed it into Jermy’s stomach, stunning him. With the few seconds she had bought, she froze his shirt in a layer of ice. As she dispelled it, his marble cracked in half.   


“Aw shucks. You got me.”

“Damn straight. Let’s go, Julia.”

Julia’s three howls reverberated further west, where a less successful fight was going on.

“Look, just, like, let down the force field, and it’ll all be over.”

“No.”

Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t take much for Nurf to beat this girl. She wasn’t very muscular and probably would get knocked out by a well placed swipe of a stick. Unfortunately, these weren’t normal circumstances. There was a cloud of argon gas following Nurf’s head around wherever he moved it, and if he tried to lift anything with his powers, he’d have to dispel the telekinetic force field he’d formed around his head and pass out from the lack of oxygen, which would happen anyways if he moved too fast or waited long enough.   


“Just surrender already, it’s not like they’ll be awake to get mad at you or anything.”

“No.”

Continuing the list of reasons why these weren’t normal circumstances, Nikki and Neil had both stumbled across his fight and attempted to assist. They’d failed. So now he had two knocked out teammates to protect and couldn’t take one for the team.

“God, why are you being so difficult? I can calculate the chances of you winning this fight. I’m telling you, it’s not good. Just quit. You’ll run out of air in, like, five minutes.”

“...”

The third reason that these weren’t normal circumstances were the wolves. Nurf, though not an animal person in the same way that Nikki was, thought wolves were the third coolest animal on the planet, right after bears, the second, and badgers, the obvious first. He’d met three wolves today, and this bitch...Erin? She’d knocked all three of them unconscious without giving them the slightest chance to defend themselves. He couldn’t back down. He couldn’t bring himself to.

If nothing else, he had to stall as long as he had left.

“Come on, at least attack me. This is, like, like watching grass grow!”

Grass, huh? Didn’t Neil say something about plants making air?

Nurf leaned forward and tipped over, face planting into the grass.   


“What, do you think that’s  _ clever _ ? Surprise, loser, grass takes forever to photosynthesize. And now I can just walk over you.”

“Try.”

“Ugh, pass. You’ll probably try to trip me.”

Well, there goes that option.   


“This is pathetic.”

“No, you.”

She rolled her only visible eye.   


“You’re wasting your own air. I’m going to go reapply my lipgloss over there now. Don’t bother moving. You’ve already lost, pretty much.”

As she turned around Nurf saw his chance. He wracked his brain for ideas. How could he attack without compromising himself? He was too far away to trap Erin in a force field, and it wasn’t as though he could lift his own body...could he?

Concentrating on his own body, he enveloped himself in his own pink light and shot himself at her like a giant bullet. She yelped in surprise as his fist connected with her back, and then hit the ground with a thud, knocked out cold. As he got back up, Max appeared from the bushes on the back of a short and chubby golden wolf. As he dismounted, another wolf, a brown pup, popped out of the back of his hoodie. He looked over the small clearing once, then looked at Nurf.

“What the fuck happened here?”

Max nodded silently as Nurf explained what had happened, and, when he was done, put a hand on Nurf’s bare arm, sharing the plan he’d been hatching. Max shook Nikki and Neil awake while Nurf made sure Erin stayed down and out, and went over the plan with them as well.

“Nikki, how long would it take for you to get me some spiders?”

“Hmm. Depends, are we talking hundreds or thousands?”

“Uh, actually, I don’t think we need more than nine or ten.”

“Oh,  _ that’s  _ easy.”

Nikki reached down and put her hand on the ground. No less than a second later, twelve wolf spiders had crawled into her palm.

“Okay, guys. Crawl around wherever you want. Nurf, could you make the force field into a net or something?”

“I am afraid not. I  _ can _ leave a bubble around her mouth so she can talk, though.”

“Alright. Sorry, you won’t be able to bite her. Maybe next time.”

She set the spiders down on Erin’s right knee, then leaned into her ear and made a strange sound. Erin’s eyes fluttered open.   


“Wha...?”

“Hello, Erin.”

Max pulled David’s phone out of his pocket and handed it to Nikki, who opened the camera app and started recording. He leaned in Erin’s face.

“Rise and shine, spider-bait.”

At this moment, the restrained girl became very aware of the spiders that were crawling all over her. Max laughed as she tried fruitlessly to move against the force field. This was beautiful.

“ _ Ewww!  _ I hate spiders, get them off!”

“No can do, spider-bait. That’s your name now, by the way.”

One of the spiders crawled around her neck. She let out a horrified screech, but she could do nothing.   


The two wolves that were awake decided this was a great time to start circling the girl and barking at her. Nikki joined them immediately, and Neil, after a few minutes of standing to the side and considering the ethical implications behind the whole situation, started barking as well. The noise roused the other three wolves, who joined their packmates and the two human children in intimidating the prisoner while Max and Nurf taunted her. It didn’t take long for the tears to start.   


“Oh wow, you’re  _ crying _ ? I thought your tear ducts were vestigial.”

“Sh-shut up, y-you f-fuh-fucking dweeb, I knocked your e-electric ass f-flat!”

“Max, David’s phone isn’t taking any more video, what should I do?”

“Eh, just save that one and shut it off. Ten minutes is enough, so let’s let her go. Our job is done anyways.”

Nikki gathered the spiders back up and lowered them into the grassy spot they’d come from. Nurf held up the marble he had removed from Erin’s bag, waving it in front of her face before crushing it in a shimmer of pink. She got up, shook herself off, and ran back to the Mess Hall, not once looking back.   


“So, not that it wasn’t fun, but why exactly didn’t we just let her go back to her group? I thought the point was to intimidate everybody else by proxy.”

“Neil, that’s exactly what we’re doing.”

“But you just sent her back to the Mess Hall! Now she’s not going to spread fear amongst the other Scouts, and we’ll have just wasted our time.”   


“Neil, Neil, Neil. That’s what I would do if this was just one game.”

“You mean - “

“If we’d sent Erin to the Scouts now, they’d probably all try to make her feel better, and they could learn what our powers are. If she goes back alone, not only does she not get the chance to spill about our powers, but her head stays focused on what we just did to her, and she gets traumatized. And once she’s traumatized, she’s pretty much a psychological  _ plague blanket _ .”

“So we’re at war with the Scouts.”

Max nodded proudly. Neil looked down at his shoes.

“Shit. I almost feel bad for her now.”

Nikki poked him in the ribs.   


“Hey, the night before they sent me here, all three of them tied me down and sharpened a bunch of knives and stuff in my ears. I have nightmares about it. She so had it coming, so don’t feel guilty about it. You avenged me.”

Neil was quiet for a second.

“I guess when you put it like that...we did a good thing.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, because it’s not like we did it only for revenge, but it was definitely a bonus.”

“Thanks, Nikki.”

“No prob-“

She was interrupted by a set of three howls in the distance, followed by another two.

“Wow, I feel sorry for whoever  _ that  _ was.”

“Why?”

“That’s Celia, the wolf I sent for Preston. He’s probably been messing with that person for a while now.”

Sasha had, indeed, been messed around with for quite a while. And this lanky, shouty little psycho had been doing the messing with, which Sasha couldn’t tolerate. Boys should  _ not  _ be feminine, and feminine boys should  _ not  _ be so strong.

“Look, you lost. Just get over it and  _ leave _ .”

“No fuckin’  _ way.  _ You, like, totally humiliated me - “

“You humiliated yourself.“

“ - shut  _ up _ and let me finish. You humiliated me and you. will. pay.”

And with that, she launched a strong shot of wind at Preston, knocking him over and pushing him against a massive oak.   


“Give me your marble. Now.”

“Take it from me, you spoiled  _ brat _ .”

And as Sasha reached to do exactly that, glowing purple eye symbols appeared on every single tree in the forest, and Gwen’s voice echoed from each one.

“Hey, kiddos. One of the Scouts broke the rules and just forfeited the whole game. Everybody get back to Mess Hall, this is over.”   


Sasha  _ screamed _ . Preston cackled and dusted himself off, heading south and leaving the Scout to have her tantrum alone.   


When all the children finally arrived at the Mess Hall, Miss Priss was arguing with David.

“I  _ will  _ have my rematch, DuBois. I am not letting you keep my soft serve machine.”

“We’ll play your rematch, Priss. Come back in a month.”

“You damn better believe I will. Come on, Scouts. We’re going home  _ now _ .”

And then they were gone, and the campers had won.


	8. Aftermath

“Alright, campers! First of all, you _did it! _You beat the Scouts, even if it was on a technicality. Still, it shows that you aren't sore losers. And I did see some pretty clever battle tactics there, which I’ll take as a sign that I am doing _something_ right - ”

“Give _ us _ some credit, dammit!”

“Okay, Nurf. You all did wonderful, and I'm very proud of all of you.”

“Now _ that’s _ what I’m talking about!”

“Right. But, there’s a few _ things _I think we need to talk about.”

“What do you mean? Are you talking about Space Kid getting out, because that wasn’t his fault.”

“No, Max. I’m talking about what you kids did to Erin.”

“But you said to annihilate...!”

“I meant _ in battle _, not mentally! I know she isn’t very nice, but that’s not reason enough to torture her like that. So as punishment, none of you will get dessert for a week.”

This resulted in a unanimous “WHAT?!” amongst the campers.

“But most of us weren’t even _ there _!”

David shook his head.

“SLM Cells are unified. Your Nucleus gave you orders to torture, which means you all would have done it if you had the chance. Am I wrong?’

“_ Yeah, _ but we didn’t. I didn’t even get to _ finish _my fight!”

“Shut up, Nerris, I didn’t even get a chance _ to _fight!”

“I _ told _you I’d let you mess around with him after I was done -”

“Alright, alright. It’s obvious you’re all pretty unhappy with this. Tell you what, I’ll let you all have a soft serve party tonight and we’ll start the no-dessert week tomorrow.”

The children had reluctantly accepted this, got their soft serve, and crowded at one side of the table, passing around David’s phone, playing the video of Erin getting spider-boarded.

“Zat is just _ cruel _ . I _ like _it.”

“The part where she started crying was better in person. Better sound quality.”

“Wow, you guys are _ really _mean - now play it again, play it again!”

After about 8:30, David managed to slip his phone back into his pocket and break the party up. Strangely enough, he couldn’t bring himself to delete the video. It made him feel bad, but it was still _ a little _funny. In fact, by 10, he was still watching it. Gwen peeked over his shoulder.

“You don’t really feel that bad, do you?”

“She’s SLM, and she’s a kid, of course I feel bad, seeing her go through that.”

“But?”

“But, if she hadn’t been one of Penelope’s minions, I wouldn’t be able to laugh at it.”

“You’re a weirdo.”

“Yeah? Well you write omegaverse fanfiction. The really dirty, messed-up kind, too. Don’t think I don’t visit your forums profile every once in a while, I know _ exactly _ how weird you are.” 

“And that’s why you’ll always be the weirder one.”

David played the video again, but paused it at a frame where the camera had focused on Max instead. He shoved the phone in Gwen’s face.

“And also, just, look at him. He’s having the time of his life. How could I not like this video, even a little bit?”

“You really feel for that kid, huh?”

“Yup, I sure do.”

“Ever think about what it’d be like if he was your kid and not somebody else’s?”

David hesitated.

“...Yeah.”

Gwen looked at the still frame again, then took a screenshot, sent it to herself and set it as her lock screen. She handed the phone back to David and lounged back on her bed.

“Sometimes, I think I do that, too.”

“_ Really _?”

“You don’t believe me.”

“It’s just that you don’t show it.”

“I’m not supposed to. I’m not his mom, no matter how much I wish I was. Might as well try to repress that feeling as much as possible. Make it seem like it’s not there.”

“Gwen, you don’t _ have _ to do that. I don’t and I’m doing fine!”

“David, we’re training him to become a soldier in an underground militia. We are sending him off to _ die _.”

“Max won’t die. And what about Cameron?”

“David...”

“Even with how much he said he hated kids, he _ always _ had our backs, always told us we were the exception to the rule.”

“_ David _...”

“He did almost everything he could to ensure we survived. He was our counselor too, but you never act like he was a bad parent just for his position.”

“David, Cameron is gone. I still remember the day he was killed. I still have nightmares about it sometimes. I know you do too, don’t think I don’t hear you at night. Do you want to do that to Max?”

“Gwen. You’re _ immortal _, you don’t have to worry about -“

“Then what about _ you _ ? What about _ Max _?”

“I -"

“There’s no guarantee you’ll survive to his sixteenth birthday, much less that he will. Even with Operation i2i in the works, we’re still looking at least a couple years of war, and it’s not like we can make the Naturals fight in it. There _ will _ be a draft.”

“Then I won’t die. And Max won’t die.”

“David, you can’t just -“

”We will survive.”

“How do you know?”

“You’ll see. Now go to sleep.”

And Gwen, exhausted as she was, did exactly that. And for the first time in a long time, she had a vision.

She was in an empty dorm room, holding a cardboard box filled with to the brim with her and David’s CDs. Behind her, she heard a deep voice that she didn’t recognize shouting, “_ Abba _ , I _ told _ you they don’t let us have pets here, I’ll be _ fine _without her!”

She turned around to see a short, dark-skinned man with a long curly black ponytail wearing sweatpants and a ratty old t-shirt that read ‘Punkh’ across the back. He was arguing with somebody over the phone, now in a language she didn’t understand.

“_ Abba, mera kamara sathi ek chudail shikaaree nahin hai! Hamen kofee mil gaee! Ammee aapako bata sakate hain _ \- “

He turned around, arm stretched out to hand Gwen the cell phone.

“_ Ammee, batao vah abba ho raha hai! _”

His eyes had become more sunk in, his face was less round than before, and his chin was covered in stubble, but there was no mistaking him for anybody else.

“Max?”

Then, as he was about to say something else, the vision ended, and Gwen woke up to a dark room, the glow of a timestamp that read _ 4:06 _ and the sound of David muttering the names of the dead in his sleep. But still, it was a moment of relief.

_ Max is going to go to college. He‘ll survive. _

And then she closed her eyes and fell back into a dark, blissfully dreamless slumber.


	9. Supply Run

“Okay, you brats. We’re out of a  _ lot  _ of important shit, so you all have the morning off while David and I drive into town to buy more. Don’t leave the campgrounds, don’t ask Quartermaster about why his hook hand keeps switching sides, and don’t force your familiars to fight each other in Pokémon battles.”

Nurf crossed his arms, as if offended. 

“I  _ told  _ you, Muack and Killer had made a  _ mutual  _ agreement to test each other’s strength, and Max and I were only present for legal reasons.”

“I don’t care. No animal duels of any kind. Now, does everybody have their request slips? What is it, Neil?”

“Why can’t we just go with you and get the stuff we want ourselves?”

“Too much work, too much attention, and too much risk. Sleepy Peak might be SLM territory but we still have a high enemy infiltration rate. They’re not usually successful, but when they are...”

She didn’t need to finish the sentence. The children handed them their request slips and went back to the campgrounds to waste their morning away. 

What the two didn’t realize as they pulled out of the dirt parking lot was that one child hadn’t handed in their slip and gone back with the others. 

“So, about last night...”

“I think I’ve already said everything I have to say about that.”

“No, David, I had a  _ vision _ .”

“Well your vision is  _ wrong _ . We’ll  _ all _ survive the war and that’s it.”

In the trunk, Max’s eyes widened.  _ War?  _ There was a fucking  _ war _ in the works?

“David, can you let me fucking finish?”

Silence. Gwen continued.

“I saw Max. Older. I was helping him move into a dorm room.”

_ Holy shit, I’m going to CHOOSE to go to school? What the fuck, older Max? _

“Gwen, that’s...that’s wonderful. And I told you so.”

“You weren’t there, though.”

“Maybe I was just somewhere else.”

“You’re missing the point. Max is going to live. He’s going to make it to adulthood.”

_ So this shithole camp is all karmatic buildup, huh? And then instead of enjoying my freedom properly I’m going to college. _

“I know, I know. What was he like? Did you talk to him? What did he say?”

“Well, he was arguing with someone on the phone, and then he tried to hand it over to me, for some reason. He didn’t really say anything in English, so I didn’t really understand or remember it. But he seemed like the same old Max.”

David’s face cracked into a smile. Max shifted around a little bit.

“I guess we’ll have to start learning Hindi, then.”

“Fuck, maybe we should. Then you’d be able to scold him for swearing even more.”

_ Oh, fuck no. You can pry my Hindi insults from my cold, dead hands. Or lips. Whatever the fuck.  _

“So, what did he look like? Is our little  _ Cherufe _ all grown up?”

_ The fuck is a Cherufe? _

“Well  _ actually, _ a  _ Cherufe _ is more of a rock demon, though I appreciate that you read that indigenous folklore collection past the first chapter.”

“Gwen. Focus.”

“Oh, yeah. He’s grown up alright. He’s still short as fuck though.”

“Has he gotten his first haircut yet?”

“Nope. Doesn’t look like he shaves either, but he seems to have given up on wearing that hoodie.”

_ Being an adult must kill your soul. This fucking sucks.  _

“Speaking of his hoodie though, the one he’s got now is kind of wearing out around the elbows...”

“You  _ know  _ if we buy him a new one he’ll just refuse to wear it.”

“No, I was just thinking, maybe I could get some nice fabric and patch the elbows for him. If he’d actually take it off.”

“What, are you going to sneak into his tent at night and patch it when he’s sleeping?”

“Well - “

“Dude. I was joking. You know that’s overstepping boundaries. He’s not  _ really  _ our kid.”   


_ What. _

“He could be someday, though. Like you said, in the vision you were helping him move into a dorm room. That’s a parent thing, I think.”

_ What the fuck.  _

“I dunno. I’ve never been to college. The movies always show parents helping their kids move in but movies aren’t always accurate, so I don’t think I can say for sure if I was helping him as his mom or as his... ex-teacher, I guess? What are we to Max, anyways?”

“Well, in the SLM’s official records we’re his combat instructors. To a non-SLM Natural we’re supposed to act like we’re his camp counselors during the summer and his...youth group instructors, i guess?... the rest of the year. To us, we’re his wannabe adoptive parents but we can’t tell him because he already has parents and also it’ll freak him out - “

_ Yeah, no shit! _

“ - but I don’t know what he thinks of us. Because sometimes it feels like he hates me, but whenever I say or do anything that’s not totally positive, it’s almost like he wants to hear more or something. And I don’t think that’s really a good thing, but it feels kind of validating and it’s really messing with me.”

“No, that’s actually pretty sweet. You should let down your mask more often, it’s not good for you anyways. I don’t think he likes me at all, though. Honestly, I haven’t done much to help that.”

“Disagree on both counts. This militia needs some positivity right now, and even if I don’t feel like it, It’s for the greater good. And for the record, I think he respects you more than me. You have more in common. Like coffee. And sarcasm.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Though it’s all just guessing. For all we know, what he really thinks is - ”

He couldn’t listen to this anymore. He wasn’t usually averse to a little eavesdropping, but this was just  _ uncomfortable _ . This whole subject made his brain feel like it had been tossed in a blender. He needed time to think about this, and the faster Gwen and David talked, the more time he’d need. It would be worth getting caught for. He’d just have to pretend he didn’t remember any of the very heavy emotional revelations he’d just heard and there would be no awkward confrontation. He sat upright, intentionally bumping his head on the low door of the trunk.

“OW!”

They heard him, and Gwen immediately pulled over.

“Max, what the fuck are you doing in the back of the car?”

“Napping out the hour-long drive into town, what the fuck do you think?”

“First of all - “

David tapped her shoulder.

“We’re almost there anyways. You drive, let me handle this.”

Gwen groaned, but waited for David to retrieve Max and put him in the back seat, then started the car back up and resumed course. David took a breath in and turned to face Max.

“First of all, you  _ know  _ exactly why you can’t go into town. I  _ told _ you about Jasper. I told you I didn’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

“I wasn’t planning on just running off, camp man! I was gonna go get my shit and come back! And Sleepy Peak is a militia-controlled town, it’s not like our regular death rate is low enough to justify freaking out over a couple of disappearances a year!”

“You can’t know for sure if you’ll be one of those disappearances or not!”

“I’m not going to just run into every van that says ‘free candy’ on the side,  _ David _ . I’m not a little kid.”

“Yes, you  _ are _ . Even if you don’t act like one, even if you can’t live like one, you’re still only ten, and I’d rather  _ die  _ than let something bad happen to you because they  _ always  _ go after the kids.”

Max tried to protest, but David cut him off.

“You are staying within three, no,  _ two _ meters of either one of us when we get out of the car, and that is  _ it _ . Understood?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Finally, they passed a small wooden sign that read, ‘Sleepy Peak: A Friendly Little Place, Pop. 256.’

Wordlessly, Gwen parked in front of a store called ‘Lester’s ‘Lectronics.’ Max jiggled the door handle, but it had been safety-locked, _ just in case you try to make a break for it _ , according to Gwen. David got out first and went to feed the parking meter. Gwen went to unlock the backseat door from the outside. As he hopped out, Gwen held her palm out to him. 

_ Is she seriously doing this? Is this her trying to be a mom? _

“Oh,  _ hell  _ no. I can deal with being forced to stay within six feet of you, but I will  _ not  _ hold your hand. I’m not a toddler.”

He didn’t miss the flash of hurt in her otherwise expressionless face as she pulled her hand back. He forced down the little curl of guilt that he felt when she did.  _ No, we’re not doing this now. _

“I guess you don’t wanna ride up top either, then.”

Raman and Mallika Anand had never let their son ride on their shoulders. In fact, the one time he’d asked, they’d downright refused.

“Hold on a goddamn second. You never said I could hitch a ride. That is  _ completely  _ different from hand-holding.”

“Is that so?”

Max nodded.

“Alright then, you little monster.”

She lifted him up over her head and placed him on her shoulders. He wobbled a little, trying to stabilize himself.

“You’re not gonna lose your balance and fall, are you?”

“I’m fucking  _ fine,  _ thanks.”

After 10 minutes of fiddling around, David came back from the parking meter.

“ _ ...darn thing, probably older than Quartermaster. _ ..Oh hey, Max! Enjoying the view up here?”

“Shut up. Everybody knows the back of an undying witch of darkness is the safest place to hide from the men in black.”

“More like you just really wanted a piggyback ride.”

“Would that make you the pig?’   


“Hey!”

“Max, don’t start. Let’s go and get what we came here for.”   


“Right. First thing’s first, we need to re-fortify the barrier, so that means a few liters of blood paint, and a new hive of dronebugs, so we’ll definitely need to go to Lester’s and Atlas. Also Quartermaster needs sawdust, so we’ll get that at Atlas, too. David, can you think of anywhere else?”

“I need a couple hundred liters of field nectar, and my implants need to be replaced -”

“David has  _ implants? _ ”

“- I’ll explain later, Max.” 

“You’d better. Now do the request slips. And don't bother looking for mine, I know what I want.”

“Right, let me get those out now...ok, so Nikki wants pogs, and...a dog toy? Why would she want a dog toy?’

“It’s for her wolf pack friends.”

“Well, we can get the dog toy at Atlas, but I’m not even sure where she _ found out _ about pogs. Anyways, Nurf wants a knife, Neil wants a USB stick, Ered wants chewing gum, so we’ll have to stop at the General Store, Nerris wants, a...hm. I’m not sure what that stands for. Max, what’s an MTG?”

“It’s one of those old card games. Like Pokémon.”

“Oh, you mean Magic! We used to play that too, way back when. They don’t sell them here, though. I’ll just have to give them a few cards from my own collection. I haven’t played in a while, anyways...”

David’s eyes were somewhere else for a moment, but Gwen poked his cheek and he snapped out of it.

“David. Request slips.”

“Right! Harrison wants playing cards, Dolph wants crayons, Preston wants a leather bound notebook, and Space Kid wants a book about space.”

“We can just print the book off the forums. I think the General Store has everything else.”

“Okay! How about we go to Lester’s first, since we’re already right outside?”

David walked up to the door of the dark-windowed shop and swung it open. Gwen, still carrying Max on her shoulders, ducked as she stepped inside after him. 

“Good morning, Moe! Guess who’s back?”

Inside was almost completely dark, with the only light sources being the little sun that passed through the storefront’s glass before being blocked by a large steel shelf, a long, dimly lit aquarium that sat at the bottom of said shelf, and a fake neon sign (it was actually just LEDs) that read ‘We are OPEN’ propped up in the corner. Behind the counter, an unassuming man with glasses and a mustache sat on a stool, tinkering with what looked like a prosthetic arm. When he heard David’s voice, he looked up.

“Morning, David. You’re a month past due for your ASYMB inhibitor replacement.”

“Sorry Moe, you know I got busy. I’ll get it done today, but I have a shopping list to finish first -“

“No can do, pal. I ain’t selling you anything until you get that implant replaced.”

David sighed. 

“Alright. Gwen, you stay here with Max, okay?”

“You sure?”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Hold on, you  _ still _ haven’t explained how you’ve had implants for however fucking long and I didn’t know about it.”

“Gwen, can you tell him?”   


“Oh. Sure.”

David then disappeared with the shop owner through a doorway covered by a string curtain made of frayed cables. Gwen sighed. 

“Idiot, skipping your replacement appointments  _ again _ .”

“Yeah, can I get my explanation now? How long has David had implants?”

“Well, when he was younger, he had an encounter with a not-so-pleasant person and the nerve damage made it impossible for him to feel physical pain. So these implants make him feel pain.”

“That’s stupid. Why would he need to feel pain?”

“Pain is pretty important, kiddo. It’s your body telling you that something’s wrong.”

“Whatever.”

A short, sharp scream echoed from the other room. 

“And  _ that _ would mean that the new implants are in.”

Her partner reappeared from behind the cable curtain, and the shop owner followed. Gwen pressed a glowing fingertip to David’s shoulder, and the pain melted off of his face. Moe walked back to the counter and slammed his hands on the table. 

“Alright, David. What can I get for ya?”

“One hive of dronebugs, please!”

Moe picked up two metal boxes and set them on the counter. 

“Sting or no sting?”

“Depends, what kind of venom do you have?”

“Well, I have the synthetic necrotoxin blend, and I have a fresh batch of Puffy’s TTX.”

He gestured to the tank in the shelf. 

“Do you have anything less fatal? Maybe some American Wasp mix?”

“Hm. Ran out of American Wasp yesterday. Our supply line got chopped up in Rock Springs, and it’ll be another few months before we can establish another route. Tell ya what, I’ll dilute the synthetic necrotoxin with plasma, but you gotta buy the plasma too.”

“Fair enough. How many credits does that make?”

“47. I can make it 42 if you buy the older models.”

“No, that’s alright.”

Moe handed him a scanning pad, and David pressed his palm to it. 

“Now, you need anything legal?”

“You carry flash drives, right?”

“Just the four gigs. They’re above the fish tank. Don’t bother trying to make out the color, they’re all pink.”

“And how much for that?”

“Five bucks.” 

David handed him the money, thanked him, and made his way out, Gwen ducking under the door again with Max on her shoulders as she followed her partner out.

“Atlas next?”

“Atlas next. I’ll cover for you.”

They walked around the corner and about half a block before stopping in front of Atlas Hardware.

“I hate hardware stores.”

“That’s great and all, but we got some stuff to get, so you might want to sit tight.”   


Gwen went in first this time, David following her and trying not to look up. She turned to the clerk while he took a cart and split off towards the merchandise.

“Hi Jacob.”

“Hi, Gwen. Who’s the kid? Student of yours sneak into town with you?”

“Yup. Little fucker hid in the trunk.”

“Clever kid. Hey, I saw David come in behind you...he still not want to talk to me?”

“Well. You know. The incident.”   


“She told me it was  _ mutual,  _ how was I supposed to know he didn’t feel the same?”

“No, I mean, I think he feels bad about his reaction. How’s your arm been doing, by the way?”

“It was a clean break, no big deal...so is he over it?”

“Mostly. Though having Priss hold it over his head at every conference call is not helping.”

“Priss is an old bag, anyways. So, you gonna tell him now? It’s been half a year, this is your chance.”

Gwen sighed. 

“I’m not making any moves until i2i is executed and successful.”   


“Not that this isn’t the most boring conversation I’ve ever listened in on, but what’s i2i?”

“Classified. I’ll tell you when it’s over.”   


_ Must be the war they were talking about in the car. _

Gwen and Jacob made small talk for a few more minutes until David emerged from the shelves with a full cart; blood paint, field nectar, sawdust, and a hunting knife. The conversation died instantly. Still not looking Jacob in the eye, he quietly placed his hand on the scanner and shuffled out with his purchase. Gwen ducked out after him, and they started walking again. 

“What was  _ that _ all about? You just stopped talking.”

“That’s his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend. David got in a huge fight with him the night he found out and he still feels bad about it.”

“Gwen!”

“Holy shit, is that the thing you two were talking about? David broke  _ that _ guy’s arm?”   


“Max!”

“Gwen, it’s okay, I’m not angry. I can’t and won’t ask you to stop talking to him. You’re still his friend, after all.”

“You’re still his friend, too, dumbass. He asked about you.”

“I...I’ll call him later. Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure. How about we actually get some breakfast now? The bar’s close by.”

Max took this as his cue to slip off of Gwen’s shoulders and onto the floor. 

“But what about Max - ”

“You can take me in with you. It’s not like they’re serving drinks this early anyways - “

“No, I mean what about the things you wanted? You said you’d point out what you wanted if you saw it, but you didn’t get anything.”

“It’s not important.”

_ I’ll just be more careful next time, and consider not having to eat the Quartermaster’s cooking for one meal a win. _

“C’mon, It’s okay, we still have a couple of hours, we can stop at one more place.”

“I don’t want to.”   


“So, you  _ did _ want something, but you don’t want to go get it?”

“No shit, Captain Obvious. I _ just _ said I didn’t want to. Can we just go to the bar and fucking eat?”

“Max, this is the first supply run we’ve been on in a year, and we’re probably not going to go on another one for a while. Can’t you just tell me what it is you wanted? You and Gwen can go and eat, I’ll go get it myself.”

“FUCK no - ”

The two other people who were walking down the street turned their attention to the scene.

“ - and why do  _ you _ care?”

“I know if you don’t get it now you’ll try to sneak out again later, Max. I’m not stupid.”

“I...It’s embarrassing!”

“More embarrassing than me?”

Max sighed.

“Fine. Is there a fabric store around here?”

“Sort of. It’s just a block away. What did you want from there?”

“I need to see it myself.”

The sort-of fabric store was actually a stockpile, just a self-locking shed near where the town turned to forest. The door creaked as David opened it. The lights flickered on to reveal several dozen racks of uncut fabric lined up against the far end of the room and cardboard boxes strewn across the rest of the gravel floor. Gwen stayed outside to make sure the other two weren’t locked in.

“So, we can just take whatever we want?”

“Within reason. It’s supposed to be for the whole town.”

Max peeked into one of the boxes, then snatched a spool of black cotton thread from it. He wandered over to the fabric racks and started shuffling through them.

“So, what are you planning to make?”

“Nothing.”   


“You know I won’t tell anybody. Your secret is safe with me.”

“I’m not  _ making  _ anything with this stuff, David.”

“So, what are you doing with it, then, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Well... my hoodie’s been getting ripped a lot, so I thought I’d fix it before Gwen throws it away.”

“Aw, she wouldn’t throw it away.”

“Are you kidding? She’s always talking about how gross it is and how it violates uniform code and shit.”   


“She doesn’t mean it..”

“Whatever. Hey, check this out!” 

Max pulled a roll of navy blue fabric off the rack and hoisted it above his head like a trophy.

“I found  _ khadi! _ ”

David blinked and smiled a little wider, not recognizing the word. 

“Special fabric, hand-spun cotton and silk. Symbol of Indian independence. And they don’t even fucking  _ make _ the real stuff outside of Asia, so finding it in the middle of nowhere like this is pretty lucky.”

“Sure must be! I haven’t seen you this excited since...well, yesterday, technically, but before that, it was a long time ago!”

Embarrassed that he’d let his mask of indifference slip, Max slung the khadi over his shoulder and crossed his arms.

“Yeah, whatever. I’m taking all of it. None of the hicks in this dump would know what to do with it anyway. Let’s go already.”

The walk back to the bar was inexplicably quiet. It wasn’t awkward or tense, just silent. Once they got inside, a redheaded woman about Gwen’s age greeted them and led them to a booth. 

“The usual for you two, right?”

“Yup.”

“And a sprouts meal for the lil’ one?”

“What?  _ Fuck _ no.”

“Max! Be nice!”

“It’s alright, Davey. Say - Max, right? - is that a roll of khadi ya got there?”

“How the fuck do  _ you  _ know that?”

“Name’s Catherine Ruari  _ Muhammed.  _ Most of the family came over to these nifty fifty states from Ireland, but my poppa’s poppa was from a little village in Punjab.  _ I  _ put the order in for that khadi.”

“So what, do you want it back or something?”

“Nah, you can go ahead and take it. I’m just happy to see another person who actually appreciates it. Now, what’s the little man want for breakfast?”

“Bottomless black coffee, lightest roast you have. Two orders of scrambled eggs, extra-crispy bacon, five buckwheat pancakes with chocolate chips and banana bits, hold the syrup, a slice of pecan pie, two slices of rye toast with mulberry jam, whatever the fuck ‘breakfast mac and cheese’ is, a grapefruit, a side of hashbrowns, and...fuck it, another slice of pecan pie. And don’t call me little man.”

Catherine took down the order while David and Gwen stared at Max with gaping goldfish expressions. He shot them a defensive glare as she walked back to the counter and shouted the orders to the kitchen. 

“What? You think I don’t eat a lot at camp because I hate food or something? Do you know what Quartermaster is _doing_ with that sawdust you just bought?”

“Well, actually - “

“Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

It took Catherine two trips between the kitchen and the table just to bring Max’s food. He silently judged his counselor’s meals while he waited. Gwen’s ‘usual’ seemed to consist of scrambled eggs, fresh strawberries, and a cup of coffee - in Max’s opinion, nothing really worth the title of a ‘usual’ - and David’s wasn’t much more exciting: a bagel, some herbal tea, and plain  _ oatmeal _ . What person under the age of 55 actually  _ ate _ oatmeal?

Gwen and David watched in morbid fascination as Max ate. He managed to down five cups of coffee before Catherine cut him off. By the end of it, every plate was cleared and Max was practically in a coma.

“Where do you  _ fit  _ it all?”

“...In m’ stomach.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Hey, look on th’ bright side... now I won’t run ’way...”

“Gwen, why don’t you get him to the car, and I’ll go get the rest of the stuff?”

Max slept through the whole ride back.


	10. Blood Bonds

Dinner tasted like sawdust again. Max didn’t know how Quartermaster managed to make a pre-packaged hotdog taste like cedar, but he assumed it involved dark powers of some sort. He poked at his meal and listened to the clamor of the ongoing foodfight while Neil interrogated him about the town.

“...it’s  _ really  _ not that exciting. I knew it was gonna be small, but there aren’t even three hundred people there. If I’d known  _ that _ , I wouldn’t have hitched a ride in the first place.”

“How are you not in trouble for sneaking out anyways?”

Max picked the dog out of its bun. He tossed it to Muack, who gave it a couple of nibbles before spitting it back out on the floor. 

“Oh, I am. They cut my free time in half for the rest of the month. Now I gotta do more solo exercises.”

Neil ducked to avoid a flying cup of soda mixed with barbeque sauce that Nurf had launched at Nikki.

“That sucks.”

Max barely dodged a stray bowl of peas. They retreated under the table to avoid getting caught in more foodfight crossfire.

“Eh, it wasn’t a total loss. Sort of like a business transaction, really. I sneak out, I get to hear a bunch of juicy bullshit and eat real food, and I don’t even lose all my free time. They’re going easy on me, you know.”

“Why would they go easy on you? You’re like the worst kid here.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Neil. No, but I mean, if it were you or Nerris or Space Kid that tried to sneak into town - “

“ - not that any of us would - “

“ - they’d definitely take all your free time away. But since it’s me, they’re only taking half. I’m the favorite.”

“Bullshit. What have you done to be their favorite?”

“That’s the best part. I did jack shit. And get this... on the drive there, I heard them talking.”   


“And?”

“Dude, they wanna fuckin’ adopt me.”

“ _ No way _ .”

“Yeah. It’s kinda making me feel weird, honestly.”

“A good-weird or a bad-weird?”

“Don’t really want to talk about it. Feelings are for little kids.”

“You brought it up.”

“Okay, fine. It’s a good-weird. I think. I don’t know. Maybe both.”

“Both?”

“Because they don’t know that I know. And that’s not good.”

“So are you gonna just tell them?”

“Fuck no. If watching shitty romance anime with Nikki has taught me anything, besides how to kill most of my brain cells in only twenty minutes, it’s that confronting people about shit like that means you have to give an answer to their feelings. And I have no idea what I’d say to them. I don’t even know where to start thinking about it.”

“You could make a decisional balance sheet.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“A pros and cons list.”

“First, you could have just said that. Second, there’s no way in hell I'm writing that down on paper.”

“Well, think about your choices. If you don’t say anything, what happens?”

“Well, ya see, Gwen actually - ”

At that moment, a lump of mashed potatoes mixed with gravy flew under the table and hit Max in the face. He felt his nerves start burning. 

“ - we’ll talk later. Alright, WHO THE  _ FUCK  _ THREW THAT?”

The next half-hour was a total blur. Max had managed to escalate the fight into an actual brawl. It was amazing that the place hadn’t already burned down by the time David walked in.

“Alright kids, I hope you’re not too tired, because tonight we’re gonna -  _ sweet cedar and sandalwood _ , what’s going on here?”

A wave of accusations of “who started it” followed, but it diffused rather quickly when Gwen entered the room.

“Oh  _ shit _ .”

The first thing you’d notice would be the eyes. Completely black, almost glowing, but with shadow instead of light. Then, ceremonial robes, plum-colored and covered with cryptic runes drawn in chalk. Last, but definitely not the least terrifying, were the jagged knives she was holding in either hand. Though she had things to explain, she did not speak. David did.

“Okay, now that you’re all actually quiet, I’m going to tell you all what’s going on. Tonight is a lunar eclipse, which means we have the opportunity to perform blood bonding rituals! I want everybody to get their familiars and meet me at the start of the mountain trail in fifteen minutes.” 

The hike up the mountain was grueling. The uneven, unkempt gravel trail certainly didn’t help matters. 

“Can we stop for a break? My feet are  _ killing _ me.”

“Come on, Neil, we’re almost there! Only twenty minutes left!”

That made everybody groan loudly, save for Gwen, who apparently couldn’t speak without incanting a spell while in the prescence of the blood moon. The last twenty minutes (well, really, it was more like thirty but nobody had brought their phones to keep track) were the most strenuous. By the time they reached the peak, all the children were panting in exhaustion. Still, they managed to line up and wait for instructions. 

“Alright everybody, we finally made it to the peak! Who wants to go first?”

Nobody moved. They just glanced from side to side, daring each other with their eyes to step forward.

“Come on kids, I know it’s scary but it’s going to make you stronger!””

Still, nobody moved.

“If we don’t do it now, it’ll be another three years before the next lunar eclipse comes and we can do it again, don’t you want to get it over with now?”

Again, silence. David sighed. Time to pull out the big guns.

“If nobody does the ritual, then I’ll turn this trip into a survival campfire cooking lesson.”

Max sighed and raised his hand. Muack shifted about in his arms.

“Fuck it, I’ll go.”

“Muack.”

“Language.”

“Whatever. Let’s get this shit over with.”

“Alright. Gwen, can you start the ritual?”

Gwen nodded. 

“Okay, Max. You have to let Gwen hold Muack for this part.”

He gently passed her the platypus.

“Muack, you’ll need to stay still.”

“Muack.”

“She’s not pleased but she’ll do it.”

Gwen held Muack up to the light of the moon, and started the incantation.

“O Great Xemüg, whose dark name shakes the light of the stars when it is spoken. O Powerful Xemüg, whose stomach digests the bodies of innocent mortal men till only their spirits remain. See this mortal beast in the bloody light of the moon. See the knots its soul has been tied into.”

She set Muack down, picked Max up, and continued.

“May Xemüg see also this mortal human in the bloody moonlight. See its knotted soul, tying it to the beast. See the tying of two souls beneath you, O Great One, and acknowledge their unity! O Xemüg, see this one mortal creature, neither beast nor human, and let its soul be one with itself!”

She set Max back down, and pulled out her ceremonial dagger. Everybody, even Gwen herself, gulped at what she had to do next.

Max flinched as the dagger nicked his shoulder. Gwen wiped the blood off with her finger and the wound disappeared, replaced with a dark blue mark shaped like a threaded needle. She leaned down to Muack, offering her hand to Muack, who licked the blood clean off. Another blue needle mark appeared on Muack’s beak.

“It is done. The life of the beast and the life of the human are the same in length. Shall one die, the other shall not, but they may never bind their souls into one again.”

After Max went, the others were less reluctant to go. The rituals were completed at about midnight, by which time the children were all too tired to make the hike back down Sleepy Peak Peak. 

“Not to worry, kids! We may not have brought blankets, but the sky is clear, and there are many kinds of leaves that can - “

And almost as if to spite David, rain clouds moved in from the other side of the dormant volcano and started pouring down on them.

“Alright, maybe that won’t be as reasonable of a tactic in this weather, but there are still waterproofing -”

He was cut off by the rumble of thunder and flashes of lightning.

“Alright, gang. Looks like we’re going to have to do something a little different. Gwen?”

Gwen perked up, still unable to speak without accidentally casting a spell.

“Can we use the Void?”

She tried to make a few gestures that were met with an unsure smile from David, before finally leaning over to write in the muddy ground. ‘ _ Is messy.’ _

“But there’s enough oxygen in there for a night with everybody in there, right?.”

She nodded once in affirmation.

“So it’s still usable.”

She bent over again to write in the mud. ‘ _ I warned you.’ _

Then she got up, wiping her muddy finger off on her robes, and opened a dark portal the size of a door.   



End file.
